TATM Classics #150: The Twilight Saga: Eclipse & Year One

tatmclassics

THE TWILIGHT SAGA: ECLIPSE ** (2010)

Bella (Kristen Stewart) is caught in a love triangle between Edward (Robert Pattinson) and Jacob (Taylor Launter) when Victoria (Bryce Dallas Howard) wants revenge on Bella and Edward for the death of her lover from the first two films so she puts together a team of new vampires to face off against Bella for revenge. And now that I’ve seen this film, I can easily say that if someone forced me to watch any of the three Twilight films, this would be the one. Honestly, this movie was really not bad

I’m serious, this really is not as bad as I was hoping it would be. For one thing, a lot of the visual effects are really well done while others fail miserably. Also, we finally get some history on these characters and all of them were well-crafted and explain some things about the characters. Plus there’s some great in-jokes in this like a complaint that I will address coming up regarding the werewolves and why they don’t wear shirts as well as Robert Pattinson actually delivering a funny line. Most importantly, Taylor Lautner, at least in my opinion, was the best actor in the film because he’s actually acting and delivering a strong performance. Now as much as I say that this isn’t terrible, it’s still not great, it still has problems. First up, I can’t stand both Bella & Edward, I really don’t buy them as a couple. If anything, I wanted to see Bella be with Jacob because you know what, he’d be a better lover to her than that glittery bastard. Secondly, since when are vampires made of glass? When you see these vampires and werewolves kill other vampires, you see that when you pull their head off, they look and sound like glass. Third, WHY THE FUCK DOES EVERY SINGLE WEREWOLF HAVE TO HAVE THEIR SHIRTS OFF? I know that was a problem in the last movie from what I’ve heard but come on, put on your shirts for Christ sakes. Finally, Bella is a fucking bitch douchebag. I love Kristen Stewart but her as the character Bella, she makes me want to pull my goddamn hair out, and she’s so annoying. So now that I’ve seen a Twilight movie, what do I think? Well, it’s not terrible but it’s not good. David Slade does a good directorial job on this and like I said, Taylor Lautner is actually doing a good job and is the strongest part of the film, and the visuals are mostly good but they have trouble explaining stuff and again, all my problems that I reported before.

YEAR ONE * (2009)

The film is about two guys, Zed (Jack Black) & O (Michael Cera), who are banished from their tribe and forced off on the world’s first road trip. While on the way, they meet some of the Bible’s greatest characters including Cain (Paul Rudd) & Abel (David Cross) and Abraham (Hank Azaria) & his son Isaac (Christopher Mintz Plasse). Also on the way, their tribe gets sold into slavery by the King (Xander Berkeley) and they become the only hope to save them. To be fair, the movie is not all bad but when it comes to the cruel humor… WHERE DO I BEGIN? 1. Jack Black eating poo… WHY??? 2. Michael Cera sleeping with a man who farts considerably 3. A drag queen High Priest played by Oliver Platt GOD!!!!!!!! The good things about the film, I liked a lot of the actors especially Black & Cera, they work well together. I also liked Olivia Wilde as the Princess, although I think she does a lot better on ‘House’ and the short-lived ‘The Black Donnelys’. Also, the scene with Paul Rudd & David Cross, I thought that was the funniest part of the movie. But you know what, that doesn’t help. This movie is horrible. However, it’s no ‘Drillbit Taylor’ and believe me, this is Exodus compared to that shit. I think the movie would have worked better as an R-rated movie.

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