More To Say #15: Deck The Halls

Movieposterdeckthehalls.jpg

Just a heads up, look at how horrendous this poster looks, it looks so lazy that if you look closely the decorations look exactly the same on each side, one is just rotated backwards to look like it’s something completely different, that should give you an idea on how bad this movie is. Anyway, Deck The Halls:

Optometrist Steve Finch (Matthew Broderick) loves those Christmas traditions he has set up with his family and his town. As such, he has a schedule of activities for his family starting on December 1st, and is the official unofficial consultant for anything Christmas related in his town of Cloverdale, Massachusetts. During the Christmas season, the Halls move in to the house across the street from the Finch’s. The Halls in general are different in outlook and temperament than the Finches. Unlike Steve, Buddy Hall (Danny DeVito) scams his way through life and never follows through with anything he starts. While Kelly Finch and Tia Hall – Steve’s wife and Buddy’s wife respectively – and their children begin friendships based largely on those differences, Steve and Buddy butt heads based on those differences. It begins with Buddy striving to have his house seen from outer space by decorating it as lavishly and brightly as possible. One of the results of Buddy’s task his that he becomes the new go to guy for anything Christmas related in Cloverdale, usurping Steve’s coveted position. As Steve and Buddy’s open animosity grows, they may threaten the joy of Christmas for all, most specifically their families who have their own ideas of what they would like to do over the Christmas season.

I mean, this movie…just wow, was this bad.

I mean, Christmas With The Kranks is a bad Christmas movie, A Christmas Story 2 was a bad Christmas movie, but Deck The Halls is the prime example of how not to make a Christmas movie.

For one thing, the plot makes no sense whatsoever. The whole plot is focused on getting somebody’s house to be seen from space, a stupid concept already but the fact that Buddy’s next door neighbor’s house can be seen from space and not his, it’s a stupid concept. Even after all these lights that Buddy puts on his house, nope, still can’t be seen from space. Why? Because they still need to fill out a 90 minute runtime, that’s all this movie is, just padding out the running time with stupid shitty moment and another stupid shitty moment.

The characters are written so blandly that you feel no sympathy towards them, you don’t feel for Buddy because his whole plan makes no sense, you don’t feel for Steve because he’s too much of a ‘everything-needs-to-be-perfect’ dimwit that you could care less about his problems.

The comedy is so poorly written, it’s not even funny. The whole movie feels like it was literally written within 6 minutes of shooting the film, it just feels like they were forced to come up with so much stupid shit solely because they had to get this out before Christmas 2006.

Here’s another example of why this movie is so poorly put together, I remember how this movie came together. This movie was first announced in February 2006, literally two weeks after Big Momma’s House 2, directed by the same guy who did Deck The Halls, came out. There’s mistake #1, the fact that this was first announced 7 months before the movie was actually released, most movies are announced 1 to 3 years up to the time they are released. That’s a bad sign right there if this gets announced 7 months before the movie is released, that’s Friedberg/Seltzer bullshit.

From the trailer, you could already tell that there was nothing there but if you watch the movie itself, even the production value looks cheap as shit.

This movie is so godawful because it’s the ultimate form of a ‘we don’t give a fuck about making a good movie, give us money now’ movie. In this movie, there’s no smart comedy, there’s no characters you root for, there’s no feeling of Christmas cheer here, there’s nothing…NOTHING!!! This movie is just downright offensive in how it thinks the meaning of Christmas is. Plus, the whole idea that Danny DeVito’s house can’t be seen from space but his neighbor clearly can, that’s just bullshit.

It’s a horrible movie and a pure waste of time, Deck The Halls, the worst Christmas movie of all time bar none.

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