TATM Classics #164: Your Highness, Zookepper, & Zoom

tatmclassics

This is it, the final TATM Classics post featuring the final three reviews I ever posted to the Spill site so…after two years, here we go…

YOUR HIGHNESS * (2011)

Talk about a wasted opportunity, you have the director of Pineapple Express, you have James Franco, you have Danny McBride, you have Zooey Deschanel, and you have Natalie Portman all put together into a comedy set in medieval times. How does that make for a bad movie?

Because they do nothing clever with it and go for the piss poor way out that Year One did by relying all of its’ jokes on badly written poop jokes, dick jokes, and fart jokes.

This is easily one of the most annoying comedies ever made because they never took any benefits with it, they never tried anything new to it, and they did a piss poor job making a plausible story.

Your Highness is a lame ass comedy that fails to do anything funny and is just a bad, bad movie.

ZOOKEEPER (zero stars) (2011)

Zookeeper was bad because it was a rip-off of Night At The Museum. They took all the charm that worked in the Night At The Museum movies and just threw it out and ripped it off.

The characters here are so poorly written. I don’t care if Kevin James is a Zookeeper, you don’t dump somebody because of their job. That’s like me telling my girlfriend that I’m dumping her because she works at a strip club, who the fuck does that? Unless he’s willing to give you the love and affection he has, who cares what kind of job he has.

The story is so badly done because it’s been done to death. Kevin James wants to quit his job to get the girl of his dreams but the animals tell him to stay and they’ll teach him the way to get the girl. Remind you a little bit of the plot of Dr. Dolittle 2.

And the worst of all, the comedy is so awful. The ape being taken to a TGI Fridays and NOBODY realizing that an ape is in the restaurant, Kevin James flying over a wedding reception and crashing into the bride and an ice block, and of course, what kids movie would be complete without fart jokes? Because that’s funny, right? NO IT ISN’T.

Kevin James is a likeable actor but the last two movies he’s made have been nothing but bullshit. Zookeeper is just a bad, bad movie.

ZOOM (zero stars) (2006)

Looking back I had no idea why I was thinking that this could be any good. Maybe I thought it could be like Sky High, a movie I really loved, but within a half-hour, I knew that this was going to be no Sky High. The more I think about this, I kept remembering how I wanted to walk out and ask for my money back but you know what, I stuck through and I was very unsatisfied afterwards.

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