Movies In My Collection #178: Top 10 Worst Sequels

Now, hold on a minute, didn’t I already do a top 10 worst sequels list in the past? Why, yes, I did but this time it’s going to be different because now there are more sequels that have come out since then, and this time around, we’re going for bigger and better, we’re going to have pointless fan service all throughout the post with blackjack and hookers….you know what, forget the blackjack and the hookers…we’ve also got an all-star cast reprising all the sequels listed in the list and the main star is going to be Johnny Depp….

…actually, none of that is true at all.

I did do a top 10 worst sequels list in the past and I figured since I just did a list of the best sequels, let’s do a list of the worst sequels as of today.

Now, I will set one major ground rule here, prequels and reboot do not count BUT sequels to prequels and reboots do count because this is a list of the worst sequels I have ever seen. And yes, if you look at my old list, a lot of the numberings and the order have changed to better reflect my current status on these flicks. With all that said, let’s finally get into my updated list of the top 10 worst sequels I have ever seen:

10. Batman V Superman: Dawn Of Justice

IT COUNTS!! IT COUNTS!! It’s the sequel to Man Of Steel so it officially counts as a sequel and yes, it’s bad, folks. I don’t care if Ben Affleck and Gal Gadot were the best things about this movie, everything else is just crap.

This is on the worst sequels list solely because of how much this movie failed to create a great movie out of something I’ve been dying for for years.

I’ve waited over a damn decade for a live-action Batman vs. Superman movie and this is what they managed to pull off? Just…fuck you.

This movie was so terrible, you could watch this movie and you can tell that the people behind this movie did not give a fuck about anything Superman related because any true Superman fan would never have pulled the shit this movie does, they wouldn’t kill off Jimmy Olsen for “fun”, they wouldn’t cast a wooden ass actor like Henry Cavill to play Superman, I swear to god, this dude has no charisma to him whatsoever, it’s no wonder why he was up for Edward in Twilight because this dude is about as wooden as fucking Robert Pattinson is, they wouldn’t make Doomsday look as shitty as they do here, and worst of all, they wouldn’t treat Lex Luthor like a goddamn cartoonish villain, Jesse Eisenberg’s performance in this shit is so terrible, he’s literally the Jar Jar Binks of this movie, he’s obnoxious, he’s annoying, he’s a pain in the ass, and he’s not fun.

This movie doesn’t know what the meaning of the word fun is, there is no fun level to this movie, I’ve said it before and I will say it again, Batman V Superman: Dawn Of Justice is our generation’s The Phantom Menace, it is so fucking awful and disgraceful to the DC comics label, it’s sickening, it’s shit, and DC needs to get their shit straight if they’re going to actually try to combat Marvel’s Cinematic Universe, this was not the start that they needed.

9. The Lost World: Jurassic Park

How do you make a sequel to Jurassic Park and completely miss key information from the first film?

This movie has some of the most terrible plotholes of any sequel that I’ve seen. The fact that in the first movie, Jeff Goldblum said he has 3 kids but in this movie, he’s only got 1. The fact that the T-Rex slows down when it runs when in the first movie, they clearly say it can run at least 32 miles per hour. They can’t break glass but if somebody falls on the glass and just lies on it, the glass can easily break.

Not to mention, Goldblum’s team starts half of the shit that happens to everybody. They let the T-Rex out in San Francisco and they steal all the bullets so the other team on the island has nothing to shoot them with, even though the other team saved their asses when they were attacked earlier.

Also, whose idea was it to have a raptor get attacked by a girl doing gymnastics? Who seriously believed that this would be a good idea. And the biggest WTF of the film, why would the T-Rex break out of his cage, attack the crew, and then, go back into his cage?

This is one of the worst sequels ever because nothing in it makes sense, the sequel is nothing but a retread of the first film and it was clear that Steven Spielberg didn’t care about making this film because he was doing Amistad at the same time.

Just more proof that Spielberg should do at least one movie a year instead of trying to do both a blockbuster and a serious film at the same time.

8. Star Wars Episode II: Attack Of The Clones

Let’s get this out of the way, The Phantom Menace is a bad movie, it’s a bad sequel, I really don’t need to say anything else that hasn’t been said already about the film.

But Attack Of The Clones is even worse, in my opinion. Why? Because it’s just so boring, I tried to stick with it but there was absolutely nothing worth watching here.

At least in The Phantom Menace, you had a cool podracing scene but here, there’s absolutely nothing worth watching.

The action is sloppy, the acting is mediocre, the emotional scenes between Padme and Anakin are really cheesy, and the movie runs way too long. Plus, I really could give two shits about trade negotiations in a Star Wars movie and this movie was pretty much that, it was nothing but a trade negotiation feud.

I prefer this as the worst of the prequels rather than Phantom Menace because Phantom Menace had some decent moments but it was a big disappointment as a whole as was Attack Of The Clones.

7. Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son

Seriously, WHO THE FUCK CAME UP WITH THIS PIECE OF SHIT? I mean, they didn’t even try with this movie. They should have called this film, Big Momma’s House 3: We’ve Taking Your Money Because You Have No Brains If You Liked This.

Everybody in the cast is misused here badly. Brandon T. Jackson, Sherri Sheppard, Faizon Love, Jessica Lucas, and Martin Lawrence, are your careers really that bad that you have to do this shit?

The plot has been done to death, the comedy is so piss-poor, the villains are so cartoonish and stupid, every single element of this film is so bad.

This is one the worst movie experiences I ever had. I almost wanted to kill myself the minute I came out of the theater, that’s how bad it was. It’s the Daddy Day Camp of the Big Momma’s House series, I knew how Carlyle felt when he had to sit through Daddy Day Camp while watching this shitfest.

6. Batman & Robin

Yeah, no big surprise here. Is there anything more that I can say about this travesty that hasn’t been said already?

It’s a bad, bad movie on so many levels. Joel Schumacher took one of the most badass characters in history and turned him into a pussy.

I don’t blame George Clooney because despite the stuff he was given to work with, I thought he was a decent Batman, I think if he had gotten the chance to play Batman again, he could easily pull it off.

Everybody else was just going through this movie just for the paychecks and not even giving a crap or trying to act.

This is just a trainwreck of a Batman film but if there’s any good that came from this movie crashing and burning, we got Batman Begins 8 years later and thus Batman becomes cool again and all is right with the world.

Still, that doesn’t take Batman & Robin away from being the worst sequel that I’ve ever seen….and certainly not as bad as the even worse fourquel that we’ll get to a little later.

5. Blues Brothers 2000

I mean, honestly, the Nostalgia Critic perfectly sums up this movie on the recurring joke in his review:

“you’ve got no plot, you’ve got no comedy, you don’t even have the original Blues Brother.” So, why the hell does this even exist?

Half of the stuff they do in this movie is just baffling and, I mean, baffling. It really does not feel like a Blues Brothers movie at all.

I mean, okay, I’ll give John Goodman credit that he fills some pretty big shoes as the other Blues Brother and in performances with Dan Aykroyd, he works fine. But in this movie, there is absolutely no reason for some of the decisions they decide to do with this.

In the 18 years since the original film, they just decided to do nothing with this at all. There is no excuse for this to be as bad as it is, you have Dan Aykroyd returning for this as both the star and the writer, John Landis is back as the director and the writer, you have Paul Shaffer as the main composer for the film and some pretty damn good music that’s the only saving grace of the film, and the decisions they decide to pull are just insane and out of place for a Blues Brothers film.

Even the ending is off,  the original ended on one of the greatest car chases and police chases ever brought to film and this one just ends on a “hey, that’s life, folks” without even giving us a real climax.

You know, say what you will about some of the other bad SNL movies like It’s Pat but at least, there was some effort being put into making a movie. This, besides the soundtrack, has absolutely nothing.

And not only that, it’s a bad comedy sequel that seemed more like it was being aimed for the younger audiences too with its’ PG-13 rating…although the original was rated R…and of course, we know the “amazing” track record of R rated movies with PG-13 sequels.

Blues Brothers 2000 doesn’t just go down in history as the second worst SNL movie ever made but it’s one of the single worst sequels ever produced, it’s that bad, folks. There’s no story, there’s no reason to bring these characters back, there’s no reason for this to exist, it’s wasted potential gone down the tubes. There’s nothing here, avoid this one like there’s no tomorrow.

4. Beverly Hills Cop III

Oh, poor Axel Foley. After a great first movie and a not-quite-as-good-but-still-enjoyable sequel, this third movie in the Beverly Hills Cop series really took the series downhill from where it was before.

There was a lot of potential for good stuff here. It’s Eddie Murphy working with John Landis again after Trading Places and Coming To America, the trailer had some funny moments, and they were bringing a lot of the old characters back. Hell, the recently passed away Alan Young shows up in this movie as a central character. How can you possibly go wrong?

And then, the film came out and what we got was a lot of unfunny jokes, action scenes that were poorly done, a lot of continuity errors, and a terrible ending with one of the stupidest shots in the history of movies:

I mean, what else do I even need to say about how stupid this is? They took Axel Foley, one of the definitive characters of his time and pussified him into a cartoon fox…I hate this movie so much.

For many years now, Eddie Murphy has been trying to get a new Beverly Hills Cop movie in the works to rejuvenate the franchise and you know what…he should. Say what you will about Eddie Murphy’s recent piles of dreck, Norbit, Meet Dave, A Thousand Words, but it’s still Eddie Murphy, the guy can be really funny when he’s given the right material to do and there has to be somebody out there who understands why Beverly Hills Cop is such a great movie and can give us the good sequel this franchise definitely deserves.

Where Beverly Hills Cop III fails compared to what the first two movies were is that, much like with Blues Brothers 2000, you get the sense they were trying to sell this movie to the younger audiences more than the adults. Granted, this still has an R rating on here but really, take out some of the bloodier action sequences in this, and there’s a surprising amount of them here, and you’d basically have something on a PG-13 level. And you can’t do that with Beverly Hills Cop.

Beverly Hills Cop III failed because the people working on this, even Eddie Murphy, feel like they didn’t want to do it. Hell, there are even reports that Eddie Murphy was in a state of depression when he decided to take on this project and has since publicly come out against the film stating that the third film was “atrocious” and such a disgrace that “the character was kind of banished for a while [from Hollywood].” He said he felt the third film did not reveal enough of the “edginess” of Axel that was present in the first two films. He also said he hopes to return the edgy qualities to the character when he reprises the role next time, and is going to pay more attention to the development of the project and its quality.

So, whether or not a fourth Beverly Hills Cop movie actually gets made is still to be determined but let’s hope it does and it does go back to the original roots of the first two films because BHC III is not what you should be getting from a Beverly Hills Cop sequel. It lacks the comedy, it lacks the heart, it lacks the action, it lacks the good storytelling, it lacks Eddie Murphy’s wit and edge to the character, it’s a threequel that feels like nothing but a bad cashgrab. It sucks, plain and simple.

3. Son Of The Mask

Good friggin god, I can’t believe I actually saw this movie in a theater.

Ten years after the adventures of Stanley Ipkiss in Edge City, the legendary Mask of Loki finds its way into the hands of an aspiring cartoonist, Tim Avery whose new baby son named Alvery is born with the Mask’s spectacular powers. But the really big trouble begins when Loki himself the god of mischief, comes looking for his mask, under command by his father Odin. And he’s willing to do whatever it takes to get it back.

When I watched this movie the first time, I never really understand how bad of a movie this really was. I came out of it going “meh”, it’s one of those movies that sticks with you for a few years until you fully realize what an amazing mess of a movie it is and let me tell you something, this is a fucking mess of a movie.

The original The Mask is a great hilarious comedy that perfectly lives up to the insanity of the character from the comics as well as setting Jim Carrey as the dominant comedy actor of his time but in this….I have no idea what the hell they were thinking with this.

They took everything that made The Mask such a terrific movie and just ruined it, the movie just looks so stupid…it really is one of the stupidest movies ever made, there was no thought or love put into this movie at all, in fact, nothing was put into this movie. Even if they were aiming more for kids, this still wouldn’t be suitable for kids, kids would be scared out of their minds by half the shit that’s in this movie. And what’s worse, this is directed by the guy who made Cats & Dogs, which also was a really over the top kids movies but there was at least restraint to it and it was harmless and it was kind of fun but this…nobody with brains would enjoy this movie, no kid is going to appreciate this movie whatsoever.

It really says something when I can honestly say that I’d rather watch Dumb & Dumberer again than watch Son Of The Mask again, it’s no wonder that Jim Carrey for the longest time said “hell no” to making sequels off his movies because if he would’ve said yes to something like this, he would never come back from it, he would’ve pulled a Sean Connery after League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen and been like “yeah, I’m retiring, fuck this shit.”

Son Of The Mask is everything that’s wrong with Hollywood and making sequels long past their time, there is nothing about this movie that is worth it, everything about it is just a ungodly mess from the visuals to the bad casting, seriously, why the fuck you put Jamie Kennedy as a headliner for this? to the what-the-hell-were-you-thinking creepy visuals to the lame brain comedy, everything about this movie is a mess and a complete fuck you to what made the original The Mask so special to people. Just….bad, it’s a bad, bad movie.

2. Home Alone 3

Now, as I’ve said in the past, I love the first two Home Alone movies, the first movie is definitely the better film but Home Alone 2 at least tries to capture a lot of the same magic from the first film and succeeds for the most part, it’s not as good as Home Alone 1 but it’s not terrible.

And really, you could’ve done some interesting things for this third film with the original cast. You could’ve had a plot where Marv & Harry get out of prison again and Kevin realizes that they’re out and this time, convinces the rest of his brothers & sisters to help him defeat the burglars using the same kind of traps Kevin used in the first two films, it could’ve been done.

But no, we instead have what I liked to consider Raja Gosnell’s awakening point, the point when he realized his purpose as a director in life. Because this was his first movie as a director after many years as an editor (including working on the first two Home Alone films), and more than likely, he was brought in to create a simple cashgrab with no creativity or edge whatsoever. And Gosnell probably looked at this and realized “wait, I can put nearly zero effort into a movie and it can make money? I’m going to do this for the rest of my career.” Well, okay, maybe not into that much detail but really, look at his directing credits, Big Momma’s House, Scooby Doo 1 & 2, Yours, Mine, & Ours, Beverly Hills Chihuahua, The Smurfs 1 & 2, this dude clearly does not give a fuck about putting any effort into any project he’s attached to.

And Home Alone 3 is where it all began.

First of all, Alex D. Linz, don’t get me wrong, this kid is not a terrible actor by any means, he’s actually gone on to some pretty decent roles since then, including actually voicing Arnold in Hey Arnold! and young Tarzan in Disney’s Tarzan. And also, he was actually not that bad in this, he wasn’t whiny or trying to be too cute like Jake Lloyd was in Jingle All The Way a year prior, the kid was trying and he didn’t do too bad of a job…but he’s no Macaulay Culkin.

The bad guys in this movie are the worst, they really went all out to find the closest lookalikes to actors they were trying to get, Beaupre was clearly suppose to be Oliver Platt, Jernigan was clearly suppose to be David Schwimmer, and Unger was clearly suppose to be Adam Carolla. The only one who actually wasn’t looking like they were trying to copy off another actor was Alice. But besides that, they really felt intimidated by a fucking kid? A kid with chicken pox no less. And guess what the worst part is, these are four professionally trained terrorists and yet they got their asses handed to them by a kid with chicken pox. You could believe that Kevin could beat up Marv & Harry because the two robbers were not really that smart, although Harry claims to be. But these four, they were clearly shown to be much smarter than Marv & Harry but they still got their asses beaten by this defenseless kid.

On top of that, the traps in this movie get WAY too elaborated and over the top, I can take absurdity in a movie just fine but even I have my breaking point when it comes to this. There are traps in this movie that are so elaborate, you really have to wonder to yourself “how the hell does this little kid with chicken pox have the will and the ability to do this?” There is no way that this kid would clearly have enough energy in him to pull off the feats that he does in this.

Which leads me into the biggest problem with this movie and the reason why I hate it so much, everybody in this movie is stupid. Not just the bad guys, not just the parents, not just the brothers and sisters, but the FBI and the police too. Everybody in this movie is a fucking dumbass. Alex does the smart thing in this movie by calling the police to report the terrorists breaking into the houses and yet, these terrorists manage to sneak their way out of the neighbors’ houses like they are the Flash or Sonic The Hedgehog. And after the first day, no cop ever goes “hmm, maybe we should bring one of our officers on this street to keep an eye on the neighborhood.” Nope…they just assume that it’s a prank by the kid with chicken pox because…he’s the runt of this family, he’s the youngest of the family, he’s the troublemaker…apparently. And then the second time it happens, he calls the cops again and once again, these bad guys manage to sneak out of there with NOBODY seeing them, there are no cameras anywhere, clearly this is a town that doesn’t believe in being safe apparently. And guess what happens, the cops don’t believe him again and even his asshole siblings, one of which is a young Scarlett Johansson, start giving him shit.

And I’m sorry but NO!!!! Just because this kid is gravely sick, which by the way, nice parenting by leaving the damn kid with chicken pox home on his own, that doesn’t mean he’s full of it when he clearly sees a robber going into somebody’s house. But no, we have to do this because clearly if we don’t, we wouldn’t have a damn movie then and really who wants to see a Home Alone sequel without the original cast, without the original comedy, without John Hughes at his finest (yeah, this was in the shit era of Hughes’ career), and without the will to not insult the audiences’ intelligence? Oh right, EVERYBODY!!!!

By the way, don’t even get me started on the animals they try to bring in as comic relief like the backtalking parrot that only quotes pop culture references and a mouse. Because honestly, that would take me hours to tell you how bad this is and we need to wrap this shit up.

Bottom line, Home Alone 3 is an insult to everything that made those first two movie special, they clearly had no intention on making a good third film for this series and made it on the sole purpose to continue this franchise until the horse is long dead and willing to be beaten. And sad to say it, that’s basically what has happened since as we’ve gotten not one but two TV movie sequels that have followed this and guess what….those ones fucking sucked too.

Home Alone 3 is everything that is wrong with everything….it’s everything that’s wrong with kids movies today and it’s just lazy, that’s the best word to describe this movie, it’s lazy, it’s uninventive, it’s uninspired, it’s a pale imitation of its’ predecessors, this really is The Hangover Part III or Taken 3 of kids movies, it’s just so awful.

and the #1 worst sequel of all time is…

Superman IV: The Quest For Peace

I’m not even going to waste any more time and I’m going to say something that’s going to be considered controversial to some people but here goes…Superman IV is a worse fourquel than Batman And Robin. I’m sorry but it’s the truth because at least Batman & Robin is…well, I’m delve into that once we get to that one but I’ll just say that at least I can watch Batman & Robin more than once which is more than I can say for Superman IV.

I mean, GOOD LORD, this was horrible. Everything that was great about the first Superman films is just taking away big time in this film and you can tell that nobody gave a shit about making a good movie but just to make a quick buck.

Now to be perfectly fair, the first scene where Clark goes back to Smallville is actually nicely done, it’s the lone thing about this movie that I will give it credit for. Once that scene ends, it’s all downhill from here…

Where do I even begin? First off, the effects in this movie look so god-awful. You remember how I talked about in Superman III how that one scene where Superman’s string was shown as he starts to fly really took me out of the movie? Here, it’s all over the place, I mean you can seriously see people holding onto strings as they are being flown in the air.  Not to mention that scene when Superman and Lois are flying in the air. Yeah, you can definitely tell that Lois is really falling from there *cough* BULLSHIT *cough* And just so many more bad effects that would take me way too long to cover.

Secondly, Luthor’s plot to take over the world is ridiculous for a number of reasons. One, his sidekick is an uber-annoying Jon Cryer. Two, they successfully manage to get a piece of Superman’s hair that supposedly weighs 1,000 pounds but turns out can easily be clipped by a simple pair of scissors. HOW THE FUCK IS THAT POSSIBLE???? Unless those scissors can easy cut 1000 pounds, THAT’S NOT POSSIBLE!!!!! Third, Nuclear Man is basically the equivalent of an evil Captain Planet except because of this movie’s bullshit logic, he is invulnerable to solar power. There are several scenes in this movie where Nuclear Man is not in direct contact with the sun but miraculously can still fight just as much as still did beforehand.

Third, nothing in this film makes any sense whatsoever with the biggest piece of “what the hell were you thinking?” coming in the final act where Nuclear Man take Mariel Hemingway’s character in the film out into space and Superman goes after him…and Hemingway is still able to breath and not die out in space. WHAT???? I don’t care who you are, if you’re in space without any kind of protection like a suit or a helmet, YOU ARE DEAD!!!!! These writers can not be this stupid, they just can’t be.

And fourth and the biggest fuck you of the film is Superman’s big plan to eliminate all nuclear weapons. That scene in the middle of the film is one of the most stupidest scenes in the film because Superman’s plan is a nice gesture but the big problem is that no official government is just going to you their nuclear weapons because you’re Superman unless you’re the Superman in Man Of Steel but not this Superman. No government is going to just give away their weapons just because Superman told you to give them up. And at the end, nothing has been resolved but Superman takes it as a partial victory saying this bit of insulting dialogue: “There will be peace when the people of the world want it so badly that their governments will have no choice but to give it to them”.

So let me get this straight, Superman is saying that there will be no peace on this planet unless we ask for it so much that the government has to do it. Again, it’s a nice fucking gesture Superman but here’s another problem with that, you’re basically telling people to be loud and obnoxious until somebody does what they want. WAY TO GO, SUPERMAN, You just told people it’s okay to be dicks in order to get what you want.

That’s why this is worst than Batman & Robin because Batman & Robin isn’t trying to deliver some important message to people, it’s just trying to be silly fun popcorn summer entertainment but in Superman IV, it’s trying to tack on an important message and at the same time throwing BS scenes that make no sense whatsoever and then just throwing on a tacked on message about how world peace won’t exist until you pester the government to do it.

That’s why Quest For Peace is not only one of the worst superhero movies ever made, it’s one of the worst movies ever made. You really think Batman & Robin is the worst DC movie ever made? Just watch Superman IV again, I dare you, trust me.

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