TATM: Talkin’ About The Movies #264: King Arthur: Legend Of The Sword & Snatched

KING ARTHUR: LEGEND OF THE SWORD

*

File:King Arthur LotS poster.jpg

Synopsis:

The young Arthur runs the back passages of Londinium with his crew, not knowing his royal lineage until he grabs Excalibur. Instantly confronted by the sword’s influence, Arthur is forced to make up his mind. He joins the rebellion and a shadowy young woman named Guinevere. He must learn to understand the magic weapon, deal with his demons, and unite the people to defeat the dictator Vortigern, the man who murdered his parents and stole his crown to become king.

Review:

Or as this film should be called, When Warner Bros. doesn’t know the meaning of the concept of making blockbusters people want to see.

My god, this shit was terrible, this is Ridley Scott Robin Hood levels of bad. Remember how god-awful that movie was, that was another movie that was suppose to be the first movie in a series of films but failed because it was a boring slopheap of a movie, that’s this movie but this is even worse because not only is this another movie that’s trying to launch a franchise but it’s Warner Bros. wasting over $175 million on something they think is a guaranteed success and it doesn’t. Gee, like that’s been their whole strategy under this new regime….oh wait, IT IS!!!!

That’s exactly what the head of the studio, Kevin Tsujihara, said last year and guess what the success factor has been? A DC extended universe that’s trying to copy Marvel’s success and fails critically, trying to make Pan into a franchise of films, failing to turn The Man From U.N.C.L.E. into a series of films, spending $105 million to remake Point Break only to be one of the biggest bombs of recent memory, gee, maybe it’s time to rethink your fucking strategy, WB because you lose more money than gambling addicts do, that’s how bad this studio is being run.

It also doesn’t help that this movie is a cliché riddled mess of a film. If you’ve seen Jack The Giant Slayer, Warcraft, The Great Wall, 47 Ronin, or any of these recent big budget fantasy failures, you’re basically getting the same shit here. It’s good actors and a great director once again being forced to do a bad studio project that they are trying to force into another franchise that nobody’s asking for.

Charlie Hunnam is trying his damndest to make something out of this and even he can’t salvage this. Jude Law is your typical over the top villain with nothing memorable about him, everybody else is wasted in this, nobody really gives a damn about what they are doing here.

Even Guy Ritchie is wasted here, this is the third straight film where Ritchie has lost his directing ways because with each movie, you can see WB interfering with letting him do what he knows how to do to make this a good movie, they got on him on Sherlock Holmes 2, they got on him on Man From U.N.C.L.E., and now, they are on him for this.

I hate this movie so much, it’s not entertaining, it’s not exciting, the action sucks, the acting is lame, the clichés are all over the place, it has nothing smart or intelligent to say, it’s one of the worst movies this year, it’s up there with Fate Of The Furious, Smurfs, and A Cure For Wellness for the worst movies of the year. Please, somebody let Guy Ritchie be fucking Guy Ritchie again PLEASE!!!!

SNATCHED

**

Snatched2017poster.jpg

Synopsis:

A mother and daughter become part of an unexpected adventure when a vacation goes wrong. Co-writer Katie Dippold said it was inspired by her own relationship with her mother.

Review:

Now, look, I know there’s been this recent backlash against Amy Schumer for reasons that are beyond me, I guess because she’s suddenly become a huge star in the two years since Trainwreck compared to when she was a rising comedienne before Trainwreck came out, but really people, I’m not one of those people, I still think Amy Schumer is funny but even looking at the trailer for this movie, all I can think to myself is “wow, this looks pretty bad.” And sure enough, it was.

Granted, it’s better than King Arthur but at the same time, I found this very disappointing considering the talent aboard.

I like Amy Schumer and Goldie Hawn working off each other, you can really buy these two as mother and daughter, and I think in a better written movie, this could’ve been a lot better and I really like Jonathan Levine as a director from 50/50, Warm Bodies, and The Night Before but my god, this script has no idea what it wants to be.

When I first heard about this movie, I thought it was going to be some kind of a road trip movie like the underrated The Guilt Trip with Seth Rogen and Barbra Streisand from a few years back but then the trailer comes out and it’s like, okay, it’s now an action comedy where the mother and daughter get kidnapped. And then, the commercials make it seem like, okay, they are getting forced on to this trip by this extreme adventure guy. And then, the movie comes on and by the end, I was like “what the fuck was this movie about?” This movie has no idea what it wants to be.

I really do think that Fox meddled around with this script so they can have another The Heat sized hit by throwing out a contrived plot with no motivation at all and sell it as an action comedy. I mean, the poster alone has no idea what kind of a movie it is, just look at it again.

Snatched2017poster.jpg

I mean, Amy Schumer looks like “wait, what movie am I doing right now?”, Goldie Hawn looks like she’s off her meds, it’s like Fox had no idea what kind of a movie they wanted to make and just wanted to make some kind of a R rated comedy that they thought would be a hit. You can look at a poster for Neighbors, Baywatch, or The Heat and automatically know, “okay, this is that kind of a R rated summer comedy” but on this, it’s like they had no idea what this was suppose to be.

Even at 90 minutes, Snatched feels like an eternity because nothing is working. The comedy doesn’t work, the script is all over the place, there is nothing memorable here except for the casting, not just Schumer and Hawn but the supporting cast, they’re all fine, but everything else fails. This is a massive disappointment specifically for Jonathan Levine since he’s been on such a good roll recently. I don’t hate Snatched like I hate King Arthur but it’s not good by any means.

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Posted in TATM: Talkin' About The Movies

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