TATM: Talkin’ About The Movies #265: Alien: Covenant

ALIEN: COVENANT

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A black-and-white poster of a mass of people being surrounded/tortured by the aliens, not unlike the Renaissance depictions of Hell, with one alien at the center highlighted by a shaft of light from the upper-left.

Synopsis:

The crew of the colony ship Covenant, bound for a remote planet on the far side of the galaxy, discovers what they think is an uncharted paradise, but is actually a dark, dangerous world. When they uncover a threat beyond their imagination, they must attempt a harrowing escape.

Review:

Wow, this movie sure didn’t disappoint, this was everything that I was expecting this to be…..the same goddamn Alien movie as the last five Alien movies were. No, really, this is the exact same plot as the last five Alien movies, a crew goes to check out a mysterious planet or spaceship, somewhere they know good and goddamn well that they shouldn’t be at and of course, 99% of these people will all be killed off by whatever alien creature is attacking them.

There, there’s your review for Alien: Covenant, good night everybody.

Follow The Reviewing Network at our Facebook page at Facebook.com/TheReviewingNetwork for continuing updates and…no, I can’t do that, I need to give you guys a full on review of this to fully explain what’s wrong with this movie.

Pretty much everything.

From a visual perspective, it looks really impressive, it looks really good but as I have to keep saying over and over again, visuals don’t make the fucking movie. I’m not going to give a movie a great review because it has spectacular visuals to it and that’s it.

Other than that, I really did not like anything about this movie.

I thought there was a good cast to this but again, their characters are bland and forgettable and we all know that most of them are here to just be the appetizers for the aliens. And again, like in other Alien movies, 3 quarters of them are gone by the end of the movie so why should we even be attached to these people if we know that a good chunk of them ain’t sticking around.

And Michael Fassbender, I know people are consistently praising the guy for his role in these films and I think he was okay in this, but I’m sorry, the whole twin brother cliché did not need to be in here at all and they do absolutely nothing different here to give this a fresh new approach.

And that also goes down to another praiseworthy thing this movie keeps getting, an improvement over Prometheus, which not really because in Prometheus, I actually at least gave a crap about some of the people on the crew in that movie, specifically David and Noomi Rapace’s Dr. Shaw and it at least tried to stand on its’ own up until the last act, which it just turned back into an Alien movie. Prometheus almost worked but it felt too self-congratulatory. This whole movie felt like it was self-congratulatory, it was already praising itself before it was even released.

But this leads into my biggest problem with the movie and another praiseworthy thing people give this film credit for, a return to form for both director Ridley Scott and the franchise. First off, no. Second off, hell no. Prometheus was at least trying to be something different, this movie is nothing but what’s been done over and over before in other Alien movies, the only way this is a return to form for the Alien franchise is that it’s repeating itself from the other movies.

But also Ridley Scott, we’re starting to get those Christopher Nolan/Terrence Malick/David Cronenberg-esque fanboys who do nothing but praise every single movie these guys make no matter how bad it is, we’re starting to see those Ridley Scott sci-fi fanboys come out again praising this movie as a return to form or a film where people go, “hey, guys, the master is back, let’s watch him show us what he can do with this series again” and most people will praise this movie because it’s Ridley Scott returning to the world he created, same thing happened with Prometheus.

Look, I’m sorry to tell you folks this but Ridley Scott is not that good of a director anymore. I’m sorry, he’s just not. Subtract The Martian, which, to me, that’s more of a return to form for him with a space film than this movie is, but take The Martian out of the picture, Ridley Scott has not made a great movie in 10 years. Taking The Martian out, Ridley Scott’s last great movie was American Gangster and that was back in 2007.

That time when you’d get more hits than misses from Ridley Scott as a director was from 1979 to 2005. Starting with A Good Year in 2006, we’ve gotten more misses than hits with American Gangster and The Martian being the only two good Ridley Scott movies he’s directed since 2007.

I mean, at this point, it’s time for somebody else to try and do something different with the Alien movies. Hell, let Neill Blomkamp make the Aliens movie he wanted to do, where he wanted to bring back Sigourney Weaver’s Ripley, Newt, & Hicks where it would remove everything that had happened after Aliens and be its’ own continuation, sort of like what Superman Returns was. But no, Fox said “wow, something original that could change the course of the Alien franchise forever?” “Fuck that shit, Ridley Scott has agreed to do another Alien movie we’ve seen over and over again so he’s making his movie.” That’s pretty much what happened, Fox just dropped the project recently so now, we have this shit because Ridley Scott wins over a rising sci-fi director.

And guess what, this is the second time somebody at Fox chose what they think is a better cashgrab than an actual Alien movie with a thought out plot and well developed characters. Back in 2000, James Cameron and Ridley Scott were going to partner on a new Alien movie with a writer already writing the script but the one cavet was that Cameron wanted Fox to not make their Alien Vs. Predator movie they were making because Cameron said “it will kill the validity of the franchise”, and that “it was Frankenstein Meets Werewolf” – like “Universal just taking their assets and starting to play them off against each other”. And guess what Fox did, they made Alien Vs. Predator with Paul W.S. Anderson, the man who claimed to be a big Alien vs. Predator fan so much, that he made a PG-13 Alien vs. Predator movie….why the hell do we keep hiring this guy to keep ruining beloved horror franchises?

It’s pretty clear what the Alien franchise has become for Fox, nothing. It’s become nothing but a cashgrab because Alien 1 and 2 are such iconic classic movies in the sci-fi and horror genre and Fox has nothing else to bandwagon on. They lost Star Wars to Disney, they just lost DreamWorks Animation to Universal, they butchered Die Hard out to pasture, their biggest cashcow franchises they have now are this, Alvin & The Chipmunks, Diary Of A Wimpy Kid, Percy Jackson, and the X-Men movies and of all the franchises I’ve just mentioned, only the X-Men franchise has good films to them. They’ve gotten lucky with Kingsman: The Secret Service, Deadpool, the Planet Of The Apes reboot trilogy, and Logan in recent years but this studio has not been the same in the last decade.

And Alien: Covenant is a prime example of what Fox has become in recent years, this movie is nothing but a retread of the last five Alien movies with no creativity to it whatsoever. Yeah, it’s got great visuals but visuals don’t make a movie, good characters, interesting situations, good script writing, those make good movies. This movie has none of that, this film is an insult to the Alien franchise and it shows that Ridley Scott has lost his way with this franchise, it’s time for him to move on from this franchise and it’s time for Fox to stop whoring this franchise out because they have nothing else.

Just watch Alien and Aliens and be done with it, Alien: Covenant is an insult to this franchise as a whole.

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Posted in TATM: Talkin' About The Movies

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