TATM: Talkin’ About The Movies #268: The Mummy

THE MUMMY

*

Synopsis:

Though safely entombed in a crypt deep beneath the unforgiving desert, an ancient princess, whose destiny was unjustly taken from her, is awakened in our current day bringing with her malevolence grown over millennia, and terrors that defy human comprehension.

Review:

Tom Cruise has been on a hot streak over the last few years, he’s made some really solid action movies since the start of the decade such as Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol and Rogue Nation, the Jack Reacher movies, Oblivion, Edge Of Tomorrow, he’s made some really good stuff in the decade so far. But when he stumbles, he really stumbles.

AND this is not only his biggest stumble this decade so far, but this is one of the worst movies of the year. I mean, my god, how in the hell did you fuck this up so badly?

Though let’s be reasonable here, I do not think this is at the fault of Tom Cruise or hell, even the cast itself. I think they did perfectly fine with the material they had to give with and Tom Cruise did have some fun moments in this, Russell Crowe has his good moments as Dr. Jekyll, I like the idea of casting Sofia Boutella as The Mummy. The cast in this was okay.

But the biggest problems with this movie comes with everything else. First off, too many goddamn visual effects and CG and I understand, you have to have that for a movie like this but come on, way too much of it in this movie nearly kills it, right down to the point where they have to repeat the head effect used in the first Mummy movie with Brendan Fraser, this shit makes me want more of the Brendan Fraser Mummy films, that’s how bad this shit is.

They waste Sofia Boutella in this so much, you have the chance to make a female Mummy in this and what do you do? Make her the most cliché riddled bad guy ever, give her predictable cliché riddled lines to show how evil she is, and make her absolutely uninvesting or exciting at all. We’ve seen Sofia Boutella be a badass in Kingsman, we’ve seen her as a badass in Star Trek Beyond, why couldn’t you make her a badass villain in this? Why, because this movie doesn’t give a fuck about actually making a good Mummy movie and I’ll tell you why a little later on.

Another major problem with the movie is the ending, it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, it’s such a bad ending and it makes absolutely no sense to anything else that goes on in the film and it just doesn’t come together at all. I won’t say what it is but it basically turns into a monsterized version of Quantum Leap with what Tom Cruise ends up doing at the end.

The biggest problem with the movie by far is this idea of this setting up the Dark Universe. That’s just great, another stupid cinematic universe that nobody asked for and nobody wanted. JUST STOP ALREADY!!!! Stop trying to turn everything into friggin’ cinematic universe because so far, nothing has matched up to the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

You want to know why the Marvel Cinematic Universe was so successful? Because they took their time to develop it, the MCU was set up in 2004. David Maisel was hired as chief operating officer of Marvel Studios as he had a plan for the studio to self-finance movies. They had creative control over all of their movies and they were putting up their money making this one of the riskiest gambles of all time. What happened? They took time to create a cinematic universe, they waited to see if Iron Man was going to be the big success that the studio was hoping for before announcing a full on cinematic universe and it did succeed. And that’s why today the MCU has continued to be the most successful series of films out there today.

Since then, everybody has been trying to copy that formula but with half the effort and half the time to put it together and it has failed miserably. WB tried to do it with the DC Extended Universe, which up until Wonder Woman had been seen as a critical and financial failure (again, until Wonder Woman came out recently), Fox has been trying to do it with Alien since they’ve got nothing else after Star Wars went to Disney, Sony keeps trying to make cinematic universes out of Spider-Man and Ghostbusters, WB tried earlier this year to start a fucking King Arthur cinematic universe, Lionsgate is trying to do a Robin Hood cinematic universe, I mean for the love of god, just STOP.

It’s obvious by looking at these different cinematic universe ideas that these studios have run out of ideas so they’re just looking at what’s successful and trying to copy that and this Dark Universe is no exception. There’s nothing exciting or promising about this Dark Universe at all and we know good and well that judging by the box office numbers for this, this is destined to fail miserably because there’s no effort being put into this. If you need six friggin’ writers to come in and write this one movie, there’s a gigantic problem here.

The Mummy is just a mess of a movie, plain and simple, it wastes a good cast, it has too many visuals, it wastes Sofia Boutella, it wastes time, and it’s just a gigantic mess of a movie. If Ghost In The Shell had not come out this year, this probably would’ve been the worst movie I’ve seen this year, that’s how bad this is.

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Posted in TATM: Talkin' About The Movies

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