TATM: Talkin’ About The Movies #270: Best & Worst Movies Of 2017 So Far

TRANSFORMERS: THE LAST KNIGHT

No, Bender, I’m not serious, I’ve been done with the Transformers films since friggin’ Dark Of The Moon.

But we are at the halfway point of the year so I figured, what the hell? It’s time to take a look at my list of the best and worst movies of 2017…so far.

With that said, let’s jump in to the best movies of the year so far:

10. Wonder Woman

Okay, Warner Bros. and DC, you won this round. You not only made a really good DC Extended Universe movie but you gave one of the only highlights of Batman V Superman a proper screen treatment. Despite how bad the last 20 minutes were with that stupid added action scene, the overall Wonder Woman movie we got is a gigantic step forward for the DC Cinematic Universe headlined by Gal Gadot’s excellent Wonder Woman portrayal, some great action, nice visuals and a much better written script. The DCEU is heading back in the right direction now if only they can fix Superman.

9. The Founder

The Founder is definitely one of the best movies released this year, yes, I know it premiered in 2016 but it wasn’t released until 2017 so it would technically count on my list of the best movies of the year, which it is on as of right now, this is one of the most overlooked films released in the last year and this is more than well worth checking out, if not for another excellent Michael Keaton performance.

8. Split

This was really damn good. James McAvoy is fantastic in this creating all of these unique personalities and really stealing the movie on these various performances he has in this, not to say the rest of the cast isn’t great, Anya Taylor-Joy, the girl from The Witch and Morgan, is very good in this, Betty Buckley is really good playing the psychiatrist to McAvoy’s character, the rest of the cast is really good here.

I also love the way the movie is able to connect Unbreakable in the ending of the film setting up the long overdue Unbreakable sequel they’ve been talking about for a number of years and it makes me all the more curious to see what can be done with these two world colliding.

Overall, Split is a really great movie and a return to form for M. Night Shymalan and if Jason Blum, of all people, can be the one that bring Shymalan back to the spotlight and make him a credible filmmaker again, then we might be experiencing. M. Night’s best years as a filmmaker.

7. Power Rangers

I was really surprised by how much I loved Power Rangers. It’s no masterpiece but it’s still a really fun movie that not only pays homage to the original series but also creates a lot of new things to admire about, the cast is really good, the development of the characters is nicely done, the action is really good, the visuals are impressive enough, there is a lot about this that I really enjoyed. If you were fans of the original Power Rangers series, then you will definitely get a lot of enjoyment out of this one.

6. John Wick Chapter Two

There really isn’t much more you could ask for with John Wick Chapter Two, I was really afraid this was going to be another case of sequelitis but they up the ante in the action department enough to make for one hell of a great ride. A slightly better movie than the first John Wick and I really hope this trend continues into the inevitable John Wick Chapter 3, which you know will be coming up soon.

5. Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie

This one has slowly but surely been creeping up on my list, I absolutely love this movie and this may be one of the most quotable movies of recent memory to me, in fact it’s one of three movies that have come out this year that have been quotable.

The voice work by Ed Helms, Kevin Hart, Thomas Middleditch, Nick Kroll, and Jordan Peele is great, the animation is excellent, the comedy is really good, this is the most fun I’ve had with a DreamWorks animated movie since Penguins Of Madagascar.

Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie is one of the most faithful adaptations of a book series ever made and DreamWorks’ best animated feature in three years, brilliantly animated, very funny, well voiced, for the fans of the franchise, this is right up your alley. Even people who aren’t fans of this franchise I think can get into this movie and enjoy it for what it is. Is it a perfect movie, no, it definitely has its’ flaws but on the whole, this is such a great, great movie and I really want to see more of these animated adventures with Captain Underpants in the future.

4. Get Out

Get Out is one of those cinematic triumphs that comes by every once in a while, an excellent surprise that showcases the exciting potential of somebody you never would’ve thought would succeed outside of the background that got him success but here you go, Jordan Peele branches out in a big way with a smartly written, uniquely directed horror comedy with a great visual style similar to Hitchcock, a strong cast, great cinematography by Toby Oliver, and a great balance of not just horror but comedy and drama. This is easily one of the best movies of the year and one of the best horror movies ever made.

3. Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2

Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2 is still a hell of a good time, a ton of great comedy, a ton of great action, the same great characters, a ton of great visuals and it’s just so much fun. It’s just as fun as the original Guardians is. This is another one with so many quotable moments in it, in a way, this is kind of Marvel’s equivalent of Back To The Future Part II but in a good way, it’s not as good as the original is but it’s still just as fun and enjoyable.

2. The Lego Batman Movie

The Lego Batman Movie doesn’t quite reach the ecstatic levels that The Lego Movie did to become one of my new favorite movies but you know what, it’s still a really damn good movie, the animation is top notch, the voice cast is great, the comedy is really solid, this is another one of those movies that can quote several lines from, that’s how great it is, there’s just so much fun to be had with this movie and you would be crazy not to love this movie, it’s the best movie I’ve seen all year so far.

And the #1 movie of 2017 so far is…

Logan

Logan does for Wolverine what The Dark Knight did for Batman, it gives this beloved character a definitive movie of his own that works actingwise, storywise, actionwise, and just overall funwise. Hugh Jackman ends his tenure as Wolverine and Patrick Stewart ends his Xavier run on the highest notes possible in a movie that delivers on every promise it can give us and it makes you wonder what the future holds for X-Men films in the future and especially Fox R rated comic book films in the future, they are three for three now with Kingsman, Deadpool and now this, so the future could be very bright if this movie is any indication.

Those are the best, now let’s take a look at the worst movies of 2017 so far…

10. Fist Fight

A really good comedic cast led by Ice Cube & Charlie Day and a generic script that tries to blend Three O’clock High with Joe Somebody into an cliché riddled R rated comedy make Fist Fight a massive disappointment because there was so much potential in this that could’ve made this like Neighbors 2 where you had the raunchy comedy but with a message alongside it too but nope, this just wants to get your money quickly and leave you disappointed, it’s like a bad one night stand, avoid it like the plague.

9. The Boss Baby

Forgettable, that’s the best way to describe this movie, it’s certainly nowhere near as bad as something like Turbo or Home but there’s nothing about this movie that just pops out except for Alec Baldwin and the animation, that’s it. The movie is not a mess but it’s not a good movie by any means, it’s a boring generic movie that could’ve been a whole lot worse from what the previews were showing. For little kids, they will definitely like it but this is one of those movies that 20 years from now when those little kids grow up, they’ll look back on this as not being so good.

And also, fuck you DreamWorks for putting more money and advertising into this bland crap while the far superior and much funnier Captain Underpants barely got any advertising and marketing behind it.

8. Snatched

Even at 90 minutes, Snatched feels like an eternity because nothing is working. The comedy doesn’t work, the script is all over the place, there is nothing memorable here except for the casting, not just Schumer and Hawn but the supporting cast, they’re all fine, but everything else fails. This is a massive disappointment specifically for Jonathan Levine since he’s been on such a good roll recently. I don’t hate Snatched like I hate King Arthur but it’s not good by any means.

7. The Fate Of The Furious

This movie is nothing but Fast & Furious 6 all over again. Substitute Letty going rogue for Dom going rogue, substitiue Dwayne Johnson the antagonist from the last movie working with the good guys for Jason Statham the antagonist from the last movie working with the good guys, and substitute the final over the top airplane action climax from the sixth movie for the final over the top nuclear submarine action climax in this movie. It’s nothing but a retread of Fast & Furious 6, easily the worst of the more recent Fast & Furious movies…at least until this one came out.

And I know, I know that there are people who got what they wanted from this movie and you know what, more power to you but Fate Of The Furious, to me, was a massive disappointment. The only things I really liked here were the direction by F. Gary Gray, the action sequences, the ridiculous over the top nature of the movie and Dwayne Johnson & Jason Statham working off each other but other than that, this movie was just a bad mess.

Does this ruin the Fast & Furious movies to me? No, I look at this movie like I did with Spectre for James Bond, it’s a terrible movie but not one that’s going to take me away from this franchise. If you make something redeemable next time around, I’ll give it its’ fair share but here, I’m sorry, I just did not like this movie at all.

6. Smurfs: The Lost Village

Sony Pictures finally got the hint, they axed the third live-action Smurfs movie because The Smurfs 2 was such a financial and critical disaster and finally somebody at Sony Pictures Animation said, “hey, you know what? Let’s make this franchise successful with an all CG animated movie so people can shut up about those live-action films.” And so, finally, we have a fully animated Smurfs movie…spectacular….you’ve completed step one in making an actually good Smurfs movie.

Unfortunately, somebody didn’t read the rest of the steps because my god, this movie was bad. I mean, they didn’t even try to do something different here, they basically took the script for that third live-action film, removed all the humans except for Gargamel, took out the city aspect and set it in Smurf village, and kept in all the things we hated about those two Smurfs movies to begin with.

You still have the scenes of nothing but Smurfs screaming at the top of their lungs because apparently, that’s entertainment for kids according to Sony, you still have those stupid modern day references, you still have those preconceived notions of what Sony thinks kids like and putting that in there, you have loud noises and obnoxiously written characters and situations, it’s all still in here and it’s like they just didn’t give a shit.

Right down to The Lost Village itself….remember that line in the synopsis: “The Smurfs are on a course that leads to the discovery of the biggest secret in Smurf history!” Yeah, you know what the big secret is, The Lost Village is nothing but female Smurfs. You know why I know that? Not because of the movie because the FUCKING MARKETING SPOILED IT FOR YOU!!!! No, seriously, this was in the trailers and the commercials before the movie even came out. Why are you spoiling the secrets of your damn movie in the trailers? Why is this becoming a trend? Why do we keep spoiling the biggest twists and turns of the movies in the advertisement? You literally take away the whole movie’s purpose by spoiling the twists. I mean, my god, I’m making more sense than a friggin’ studio that’s been around for nearly 100 years….and I’ve only been writing reviews for the last 12 years.

Not to mention, that twist only exists because of a fluke in the original storyline where I’m pretty sure they didn’t even bother to make other female Smurfs so they said, “hey, we’ve got a movie here.”

With all of that said, is there anything about this movie that is good at all? Well….the animation looks nice…..some of the voice work is okay….it looks like the original Smurfs cartoon from the 80s in a CG format but other than that…that’s about it.

Smurfs: The Lost Village is what happens when you have no real intent on making a good Smurfs film and just want to make something so you can keep the licensing rights, that’s all this movie was, just to keep whatever licensing and merchandising rights you can get by making a bad movie in the process. You want to know why Sony Pictures has been on such a downward spiral over the last few years, it’s because of moves like this, it’s because they don’t take any time or effort to actually make quality movies anymore and just make whatever they think makes money, this is why Tom Rothman should not have a job in Hollywood because he did the exact same thing with Fox and now he’s doing it with Sony.

In a summer where you have Spider-Man finally looking promising with the help of Marvel Studios and a long awaited adaptation of Stephen King’s The Dark Tower, what’s the movie that makes or breaks Sony as a studio….The Emoji Movie….The Emoji Movie, not Spider-Man, not Dark Tower, The Emoji Movie….and by the way, that’s not a joke, they literally said that the future of the entire studio is riding on this. That’s how fucking bad Sony is right now, they are mere months away from selling off their film and TV line altogether is The Emoji Movie doesn’t make a profit.

And you know what, good, I hope Emoji Movie fails, I hope it fails because this studio needs a gigantic wake up call and it needs to stop destroying its’ brand with terrible movies like Smurfs: The Lost Village that only exist to keep your license by making a bad movie by making a movie based on a fluke in the original Smurfs continuity.

Finally getting back to the topic at hand, Smurfs: The Lost Village is a bad CG animated movie, it doesn’t quite hit Norm Of The North of Sharktale levels of shit but it’s high up with The Lorax for one of the worst major studio computer animated movies ever made. That’s how bad this movie is, this movie makes The Boss Baby look like Citizen Kane by comparison….by the way, second Citizen Kane reference today….Smurfs: The Lost Village is just a bad movie, plain and simple.

5. Alien: Covenant

Wow, this movie sure didn’t disappoint, this was everything that I was expecting this to be…..the same goddamn Alien movie as the last five Alien movies were. No, really, this is the exact same plot as the last five Alien movies, a crew goes to check out a mysterious planet or spaceship, somewhere they know good and goddamn well that they shouldn’t be at and of course, 99% of these people will all be killed off by whatever alien creature is attacking them.

There, there’s your review for Alien: Covenant, good night everybody.

Follow The Reviewing Network at our Facebook page at Facebook.com/TheReviewingNetwork for continuing updates and…no, I can’t do that, I need to give you guys a full on review of this to fully explain what’s wrong with this movie.

Pretty much everything.

From a visual perspective, it looks really impressive, it looks really good but as I have to keep saying over and over again, visuals don’t make the fucking movie. I’m not going to give a movie a great review because it has spectacular visuals to it and that’s it.

Other than that, I really did not like anything about this movie.

I thought there was a good cast to this but again, their characters are bland and forgettable and we all know that most of them are here to just be the appetizers for the aliens. And again, like in other Alien movies, 3 quarters of them are gone by the end of the movie so why should we even be attached to these people if we know that a good chunk of them ain’t sticking around.

And Michael Fassbender, I know people are consistently praising the guy for his role in these films and I think he was okay in this, but I’m sorry, the whole twin brother cliché did not need to be in here at all and they do absolutely nothing different here to give this a fresh new approach.

And that also goes down to another praiseworthy thing this movie keeps getting, an improvement over Prometheus, which not really because in Prometheus, I actually at least gave a crap about some of the people on the crew in that movie, specifically David and Noomi Rapace’s Dr. Shaw and it at least tried to stand on its’ own up until the last act, which it just turned back into an Alien movie. Prometheus almost worked but it felt too self-congratulatory. This whole movie felt like it was self-congratulatory, it was already praising itself before it was even released.

But this leads into my biggest problem with the movie and another praiseworthy thing people give this film credit for, a return to form for both director Ridley Scott and the franchise. First off, no. Second off, hell no. Prometheus was at least trying to be something different, this movie is nothing but what’s been done over and over before in other Alien movies, the only way this is a return to form for the Alien franchise is that it’s repeating itself from the other movies.

But also Ridley Scott, we’re starting to get those Christopher Nolan/Terrence Malick/David Cronenberg-esque fanboys who do nothing but praise every single movie these guys make no matter how bad it is, we’re starting to see those Ridley Scott sci-fi fanboys come out again praising this movie as a return to form or a film where people go, “hey, guys, the master is back, let’s watch him show us what he can do with this series again” and most people will praise this movie because it’s Ridley Scott returning to the world he created, same thing happened with Prometheus.

Look, I’m sorry to tell you folks this but Ridley Scott is not that good of a director anymore. I’m sorry, he’s just not. Subtract The Martian, which, to me, that’s more of a return to form for him with a space film than this movie is, but take The Martian out of the picture, Ridley Scott has not made a great movie in 10 years. Taking The Martian out, Ridley Scott’s last great movie was American Gangster and that was back in 2007.

That time when you’d get more hits than misses from Ridley Scott as a director was from 1979 to 2005. Starting with A Good Year in 2006, we’ve gotten more misses than hits with American Gangster and The Martian being the only two good Ridley Scott movies he’s directed since 2007.

I mean, at this point, it’s time for somebody else to try and do something different with the Alien movies. Hell, let Neill Blomkamp make the Aliens movie he wanted to do, where he wanted to bring back Sigourney Weaver’s Ripley, Newt, & Hicks where it would remove everything that had happened after Aliens and be its’ own continuation, sort of like what Superman Returns was. But no, Fox said “wow, something original that could change the course of the Alien franchise forever?” “Fuck that shit, Ridley Scott has agreed to do another Alien movie we’ve seen over and over again so he’s making his movie.” That’s pretty much what happened, Fox just dropped the project recently so now, we have this shit because Ridley Scott wins over a rising sci-fi director.

And guess what, this is the second time somebody at Fox chose what they think is a better cashgrab than an actual Alien movie with a thought out plot and well developed characters. Back in 2000, James Cameron and Ridley Scott were going to partner on a new Alien movie with a writer already writing the script but the one cavet was that Cameron wanted Fox to not make their Alien Vs. Predator movie they were making because Cameron said “it will kill the validity of the franchise”, and that “it was Frankenstein Meets Werewolf” – like “Universal just taking their assets and starting to play them off against each other”. And guess what Fox did, they made Alien Vs. Predator with Paul W.S. Anderson, the man who claimed to be a big Alien vs. Predator fan so much, that he made a PG-13 Alien vs. Predator movie….why the hell do we keep hiring this guy to keep ruining beloved horror franchises?

It’s pretty clear what the Alien franchise has become for Fox, nothing. It’s become nothing but a cashgrab because Alien 1 and 2 are such iconic classic movies in the sci-fi and horror genre and Fox has nothing else to bandwagon on. They lost Star Wars to Disney, they just lost DreamWorks Animation to Universal, they butchered Die Hard out to pasture, their biggest cashcow franchises they have now are this, Alvin & The Chipmunks, Diary Of A Wimpy Kid, Percy Jackson, and the X-Men movies and of all the franchises I’ve just mentioned, only the X-Men franchise has good films to them. They’ve gotten lucky with Kingsman: The Secret Service, Deadpool, the Planet Of The Apes reboot trilogy, and Logan in recent years but this studio has not been the same in the last decade.

And Alien: Covenant is a prime example of what Fox has become in recent years, this movie is nothing but a retread of the last five Alien movies with no creativity to it whatsoever. Yeah, it’s got great visuals but visuals don’t make a movie, good characters, interesting situations, good script writing, those make good movies. This movie has none of that, this film is an insult to the Alien franchise and it shows that Ridley Scott has lost his way with this franchise, it’s time for him to move on from this franchise and it’s time for Fox to stop whoring this franchise out because they have nothing else.

Just watch Alien and Aliens and be done with it, Alien: Covenant is an insult to this franchise as a whole.

4. King Arthur: Legend Of The Sword

Or as this film should be called, When Warner Bros. doesn’t know the meaning of the concept of making blockbusters people want to see.

My god, this shit was terrible, this is Ridley Scott Robin Hood levels of bad. Remember how god-awful that movie was, that was another movie that was suppose to be the first movie in a series of films but failed because it was a boring slopheap of a movie, that’s this movie but this is even worse because not only is this another movie that’s trying to launch a franchise but it’s Warner Bros. wasting over $175 million on something they think is a guaranteed success and it doesn’t. Gee, like that’s been their whole strategy under this new regime….oh wait, IT IS!!!!

That’s exactly what the head of the studio, Kevin Tsujihara, said last year and guess what the success factor has been? A DC extended universe that’s trying to copy Marvel’s success and fails critically, trying to make Pan into a franchise of films, failing to turn The Man From U.N.C.L.E. into a series of films, spending $105 million to remake Point Break only to be one of the biggest bombs of recent memory, gee, maybe it’s time to rethink your fucking strategy, WB because you lose more money than gambling addicts do, that’s how bad this studio is being run.

It also doesn’t help that this movie is a cliché riddled mess of a film. If you’ve seen Jack The Giant Slayer, Warcraft, The Great Wall, 47 Ronin, or any of these recent big budget fantasy failures, you’re basically getting the same shit here. It’s good actors and a great director once again being forced to do a bad studio project that they are trying to force into another franchise that nobody’s asking for.

Charlie Hunnam is trying his damndest to make something out of this and even he can’t salvage this. Jude Law is your typical over the top villain with nothing memorable about him, everybody else is wasted in this, nobody really gives a damn about what they are doing here.

Even Guy Ritchie is wasted here, this is the third straight film where Ritchie has lost his directing ways because with each movie, you can see WB interfering with letting him do what he knows how to do to make this a good movie, they got on him on Sherlock Holmes 2, they got on him on Man From U.N.C.L.E., and now, they are on him for this.

I hate this movie so much, it’s not entertaining, it’s not exciting, the action sucks, the acting is lame, the clichés are all over the place, it has nothing smart or intelligent to say, it’s one of the worst movies this year, it’s up there with Fate Of The Furious, Smurfs, and A Cure For Wellness for the worst movies of the year. Please, somebody let Guy Ritchie be fucking Guy Ritchie again PLEASE!!!!

3. A Cure For Wellness

This is Gore Verbinski’s latest directorial outing, his first after the disastrous The Long Ranger….and this isn’t any better, in fact I would even go as far as to say that this is even worse than The Lone Ranger because oh my god, this movie is just so boring, imagine if you crossed Crimson Peak and Shutter Island and added a two and a half hour running time of nice looking visuals and that’s it, that’s this movie.

That is the only really good thing I can say about this movie, the visual look of the film is impressive with this gothic style to it but as I have to keep telling you folks out there, visuals don’t make the fucking movie.

You know what else had great visuals to it and nothing else, Crimson Peak, and guess what, that shit sucked too…but you know what, Crimson Peak was at least trying to do something and failed miserably, this movie isn’t even trying. The whole movie’s existence is just to showcase creepy looking imagery with the most wooden acting you can possibly imagine.

Dane DeHaan, who started his career off nicely in Chronicle, really struggles to find his calling here, he’s trying too hard be like Leonardo DiCaprio in Shutter Island and he’s just lost that acting spunk he had in the beginning of his career…it also doesn’t help that his love interest, Mia Goth, is a big plank of wood.

The film fails in every other department, cheap jump scares, lackluster character development, a predictable story that has been done numerous times in movies and TV shows, and a run time of 2 and a half hours that feels like a friggin’ eternity because nothing is happening.

A Cure For Wellness would be not to avoid your time with the garbage that this movie is, I expect better from director Verbinski but this is just pathetic, it’s the most boring two and a half hour movie going experience you could have this year.

2. The Mummy

The biggest problems with this movie comes with everything else except for Tom Cruise. First off, too many goddamn visual effects and CG and I understand, you have to have that for a movie like this but come on, way too much of it in this movie nearly kills it, right down to the point where they have to repeat the head effect used in the first Mummy movie with Brendan Fraser, this shit makes me want more of the Brendan Fraser Mummy films, that’s how bad this shit is.

They waste Sofia Boutella in this so much, you have the chance to make a female Mummy in this and what do you do? Make her the most cliché riddled bad guy ever, give her predictable cliché riddled lines to show how evil she is, and make her absolutely uninvesting or exciting at all. We’ve seen Sofia Boutella be a badass in Kingsman, we’ve seen her as a badass in Star Trek Beyond, why couldn’t you make her a badass villain in this? Why, because this movie doesn’t give a fuck about actually making a good Mummy movie and I’ll tell you why a little later on.

Another major problem with the movie is the ending, it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, it’s such a bad ending and it makes absolutely no sense to anything else that goes on in the film and it just doesn’t come together at all. I won’t say what it is but it basically turns into a monsterized version of Quantum Leap with what Tom Cruise ends up doing at the end.

The biggest problem with the movie by far is this idea of this setting up the Dark Universe. That’s just great, another stupid cinematic universe that nobody asked for and nobody wanted. JUST STOP ALREADY!!!! Stop trying to turn everything into friggin’ cinematic universe because so far, nothing has matched up to the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

You want to know why the Marvel Cinematic Universe was so successful? Because they took their time to develop it, the MCU was set up in 2004. David Maisel was hired as chief operating officer of Marvel Studios as he had a plan for the studio to self-finance movies. They had creative control over all of their movies and they were putting up their money making this one of the riskiest gambles of all time. What happened? They took time to create a cinematic universe, they waited to see if Iron Man was going to be the big success that the studio was hoping for before announcing a full on cinematic universe and it did succeed. And that’s why today the MCU has continued to be the most successful series of films out there today.

Since then, everybody has been trying to copy that formula but with half the effort and half the time to put it together and it has failed miserably. WB tried to do it with the DC Extended Universe, which up until Wonder Woman had been seen as a critical and financial failure (again, until Wonder Woman came out recently), Fox has been trying to do it with Alien since they’ve got nothing else after Star Wars went to Disney, Sony keeps trying to make cinematic universes out of Spider-Man and Ghostbusters, WB tried earlier this year to start a fucking King Arthur cinematic universe, Lionsgate is trying to do a Robin Hood cinematic universe, I mean for the love of god, just STOP.

It’s obvious by looking at these different cinematic universe ideas that these studios have run out of ideas so they’re just looking at what’s successful and trying to copy that and this Dark Universe is no exception. There’s nothing exciting or promising about this Dark Universe at all and we know good and well that judging by the box office numbers for this, this is destined to fail miserably because there’s no effort being put into this. If you need six friggin’ writers to come in and write this one movie, there’s a gigantic problem here.

The Mummy is just a mess of a movie, plain and simple, it wastes a good cast, it has too many visuals, it wastes Sofia Boutella, it wastes time, and it’s just a gigantic mess of a movie.

And the #1 worst movie of 2017 so far is…

Ghost In The Shell

A bland forgettable movie with nice visuals to it that gets completely fucked over by its’ fuck you twist that dates back to the whitewashing controversy the film had before production started.

And you want to know what the worst part about this is, Scarlett Johansson said that she would never play the role of a person of a different race than her own and guess what, THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT SHE DOES HERE!!!!

I mean, my god, what a gigantic fuck you to not only this movie, not only to the fans of the franchise, but also to movies altogether. I swear to god, this is something Paramount did on purpose. It’s important to remember that DreamWorks was originally suppose to release this movie through Touchstone Pictures but once DreamWorks went back to Universal, Ghost In The Shell moved over to Paramount. If I’m right, the movie was already complete when it was still at DreamWorks, I have to believe that Paramount threw that twist in a reshoot once they got their hands on it. It’s like Paramount said, “hey, you hate that we didn’t cast an Asian actress for the role of Major? Well, guess what, here’s what we have to say to that.” And then they just give you the middle finger.

Ghost In The Shell takes everybody’s personal fears about making a Hollywood adaptation of a classic anime feature and shows you your nightmare finished product in full. It’s got impressive visuals to it but other than that, this movie is just bad, it’s not entertaining, it’s not exciting, the characters are badly written, and the twist at the end ruins any chance of this movie succeeding. Avoid Ghost In The Shell like the fucking plague.

Just go watch the original movie, trust me, it’s more enjoyable than anything this shit gives you.

And now for some honorable mentions:

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Beauty & The Beast — Yes, I gave this three stars but at the same time, I’m not going to give this movie a free pass because of the stuff I liked. This is still a bad adaptation of Beauty & The Beast, it took a timeless animated classic and modernized it and botched it up with big plotholes and fucking toilet humor during key emotional scenes. Should we expect anything else from the fucking director of Twilight: Breaking Dawn? Yeah, I know he did Dreamgirls too and that was great but you get my point, this ain’t very good.

Live By Night — This is just as bad as Gangster Squad and for Ben Affleck, who is a really good director, this was such a jumbled mess. Now one thing needs to be made perfectly clear about this movie to Ben Affleck, do not quit your directing job because of this movie, you are a really good director, you’ve proven that with three films prior to this, this was just a misfire that I really think was not your fault at all, Live By Night could’ve been so much better than it ended up being and it’s one of the biggest disappointments of the Oscar season. Still, I will give the movie credit for its’ amazing visual style and its’ solid cast but overall, Live By Night is a disappointing miscue that should’ve been way better than this final product came out to be.

Baywatch & Rough Night — Now, I know I gave both of these movies three stars but I wanted to put these films on the list because I want to make something clear, we are in an R rated comedy lull right now, we have not had a really funny R rated comedy since Sausage Party nearly a year ago and I know what you’re thinking, “well, that doesn’t seem too long ago” but then, you look at what we’ve gotten since August 2016, War Dogs, Bridget Jones’ Baby, Masterminds, Keeping Up With The Joneses, Bad Santa 2, Rules Don’t Apply, Office Christmas Party, Why Him?, Table 19, CHiPs, my god, that’s 10 R rated comedies in 10 months and my god, most of these ranged from disappointing to just god-awful.

And both Baywatch & Rough Night land in the disappointing category, yeah, they had things I liked about them but I’m not going to say that these are great movies, let alone good movies. We’re really in a bad lull here and hopefully, The House can break that mold next week but I’m not convinced that it is going to end anytime soon.

R rated comedies have become so dull and so more focused on dick and poop jokes more than what made the R rated comedy classics of the 70s, 80s, 90s and 00s stand up today that they aren’t even trying anymore.

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Posted in TATM: Talkin' About The Movies

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