My Take On… #242: Everything That’s Wrong With The Pitch Perfect 3 Trailer

I know that this was originally suppose to be a topic focusing on bias in kids movies but I’ve been wanting to talk about this trailer for Pitch Perfect 3 that just keeps showing up no matter where I go and no matter what movie I have seen.

I’m not even joking, this trailer just came out last month and I have already seen it six times in a theater, SIX FRIGGIN’ TIMES, once with Despicable Me 3, once with Baby Driver, once with Spider-Man: Homecoming, once with The House, once with War For The Planet Of The Apes, and once with Girls Trip.

Now, this wouldn’t be a problem if I actually liked what I was seeing from this trailer….unfortunately, I am not and not only am I not but this movie just feels like they are taking everything I liked about the first two movies and just giving me the biggest middle finger ever to this franchise, it’s like they don’t even care anymore.

It wouldn’t be bad if this trailer had maybe one or two things that were wrong with it but no, there is so much wrong with this trailer that I couldn’t do a regular trailer review so screw it, join me as I do a scene-for-scene real time review of Pitch Perfect 3’s trailer so I can show you everything wrong with this trailer because this makes the trailer for Girls Trip look like friggin’ Casablanca by comparison.

So, please, join me by watching the trailer along with me as I tell you everything that is wrong with the Pitch Perfect 3 trailer and I will have timestamps for everything so you can catch up. With that said….here we go:

00:12 — Oh god, where do I even start? First of all, how dare you waste John Michael Higgins’ comedic abilities on such a stupid line that seems to be setting itself up for a joke that never comes. Also, Anna Kendrick has it rough? Who’s the one carrying a boom mic and trying to make a documentary slamming somebody that you don’t really know about outside of your jobs as announcers in the first two movies? Not even 12 seconds in and the bullshit is starting.

00:19 — SJW jokes because we ain’t got nothing else.

00:22 — AGAIN, Who’s the one carrying a boom mic and camera around like it’s normal and you call them failures? God, I feel so bad for Elizabeth Banks for returning to this too. And just when you think it can’t get any lamer…

00:27 — Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, what you are witnessing is a little thing in a franchise we call “we don’t got shit to work with anymore so…grossout jokes,” oh goody because that worked so well for The Hangover III and Little Fockers…oh wait, NO IT FUCKING DIDN’T. Let this image of Brittany Snow sticking her hand up a cow’s ass with a bedazzled guard on set the tone for the desperation for cheap laughs this movie will offer us.

00:32 — CASE IN POINT, remember when the first Pitch Perfect made you realize that, hey, Rebel Wilson can actually be funny in a movie and not utterly annoying? Well, the filmmakers of this movie pretty much said “fuck that, let’s make her annoying,” you’ll see what I mean later on. With that said….really…..we’re making Amy Winehouse jokes in 2017? Is this movie really so desperate for cheap laughs like this? Really?

00:44 — Um, here’s a crazy idea, why not actually go back to singing again? I’m sure that you could’ve went to some Hollywood agent and show them how good you are or hell, show them some of the stuff you did in the last two movies. If the Cass Me Outside chick can be considered a celebrity, then you can too. There’s the more interesting movie here, too bad the people who made this movie clearly have their own priorities at hand.

00:50 — Because the USO clearly is that desperate for musical acts, seriously, the USO is your first friggin’ option?

01:02 — Wait a minute, you never said this was a competition? Why would the USO be holding a competition for singers to act. Again, how desperate do you think the USO is for musical acts?

01:15 — Now right there, you could’ve had a nice satirical joke about the franchise or even the idea of acapella singers because like with improvisational comedy, acapella singers are kind of polarizing. Some people really appreciate them while others think they are just as fake as regular singers are. You could’ve at this point made fun of the idea of acapella singers but nope, just go for the cheapest insults you can throw out. Also, ladies and gentlemen, franchise killer extradoinaire Ruby Rose has arrived to ruin this series. And just when you think this movie couldn’t pander down to the audience any more, this happens…

01:21 — Fuck You! No, seriously, FUCK YOU for making that joke. That is such a lazy cheap joke to make, it’s not clever at all, it’s a forced joke and even Rebel Wilson when she says that line, you can tell that she’s tired of this shit too. But hey, we’ve gotta make Rebel Wilson more annoying, how about we give her a ‘Make America Eat Again’ hat because hey, topical references. Like, really, way to datestamp your fucking movie with a line to make us remember the time when Donald Trump was our president. Fuck you for making that joke, fuck you for dating yourself, and just fuck this fucking trailer….AND THERE’S STILL ANOTHER MINUTE OF THIS SHIT, MY GOD!!!!

01:24 — And also, fuck you, for that long pause to get the laughter thrown in there like a bad TV sitcom. Goddamn, this movie is gonna be the death of me.

01:35 — Every time you two appear on screen with these obviously unfunny lines, I keep thinking about how much this movie wastes the talent of so many of these actors.

01:36 — FAST CUTTING ACTION…WHY? Fuck it, we ain’t got shit to work with.

01:47 — Why are they flying out of a military jet? Is Vin Diesel and his crew from Fast & Furious gonna follow next with their cars too?

01:52 — Also, what is with all the action sequences? I really am starting to think you are gonna throw the Fast & Furious crew into this. Where’s Vin Diesel to come in and talk about being a family?

01:54 — And fuck you for bringing back the stupid running gag of putting ‘aca’ on every word.

02:08 — Honey, the dignity for this franchise went away as soon as Brittney Snow showed her hand up a cow’s ass.

02:12 — WHAT IS WITH ALL THE ACTION SCENES? I’m sorry, I came here for Pitch Perfect 3 not…for the third time, a Fast & Furious movie.

02:16 — Really, because the first two movies beg to differ. Also, you had dignity once before this film made you nothing but a bad joke.

02:24 — And you need to fire your agents and get better roles.

02:26 — Star Wars: The Last Jedi comes out a week after you guys do….have fun.

Because obviously, fun was not the idea behind this trailer. Seriously, what the fuck?

Do you know why I ended up liking the first two Pitch Perfect movies? The first movie got by with some pretty bad marketing but when I saw the film, I got a good movie, I never would’ve thought I would enjoy this movie as much as I did. It was a nice little surprise that has enough great stuff to it to recommend it.

I even liked Pitch Perfect 2, maybe not as much as the first film, but it definitely has enough to get from it to enjoy it but as far as a great movie on the level of the first film, it’s a disappointment. It’s not a huge letdown retread of the first like Horrible Bosses 2 or the two Hangover sequels, it still has a lot of enjoyment value to it. The acapella numbers still work, the cast still works, the direction by Elizabeth Banks is nicely done, it’s a decent little film. Don’t go in expecting something as great as the first and it’s perfectly serviceable and one of the better comedy sequels we’ve gotten recently.

With this movie, they have absolutely nothing else to work with.

I mean, seriously, what is even going on here? From this trailer, it really looks like they’ve got nothing else to work with so, just do random shit and see if anything sticks.

I hate to even say this, I’m getting a Little Fockers/Hangover Part III feel to this, like they’ve got nothing else so toilet humor and no real plot or jokes to work with. This just looks really bad, it’s like the director of this movie never saw the original movies and has no idea what made them so special.

This trailer makes me wish that Elizabeth Banks was back at the helm as director because say what you will about Pitch Perfect 2, Banks at least prove she could handle a capable sequel. But no, instead we get the director of Step Up All In because we need to be hip to the kids today, says every old male executive at Universal Pictures.

Pitch Perfect 3 just looks so awful, it’s like I said, it feels like a complete betrayal of everything that made the first two movies so fun to watch.

And since Universal thinks it’s funny to keep cramming this trailer down my throat for the last four weeks, guess what Universal? You want to cram this shit down my throat for the next five months? Guess what, game on motherfuckers, I’m gonna talk about how bad it is and how you treated this franchise as nothing but a joke.

Every once in a while, I hope that some movies bomb just so they can send a message that people are tired of movies like Alien Covenant, Transformers 5, The Emoji Movie, Valerian & The City Of A Thousand Planets, and this is definitely one that I hope bombs, I hope the franchise fatigue we’re currently seeing right now continues well on into Christmas and this shit gets taken down by Star Wars and Justice League and Thor 3 and all the other big movies coming out in November and December just to send a message to the studios to just stop forcing this shit down our throats, it’s over, it’s time to move on from trying to make cheap cashgrab sequels because nobody wants to see these movies anymore.

Good god, that felt good to get out of my chest.

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