It’s our annual summer special posts and this time around, I’m in the mood to torture myself this summer with 15 movies I’ve told myself I would never watch or review and actually reviewing them. So, brace yourselves folks as we bring you The Reviewing Network Summer Suckfest:
June 1st: Woody Woodpecker
June 8th: The Emoji Movie
June 15th: Fifty Shades Of Grey
June 22nd: Fifty Shades Darker
June 29th: Fifty Shades Freed
July 6th: Twilight
July 13th: New Moon
July 20th: Breaking Dawn Part 1
July 27th: Breaking Dawn Part 2
August 3rd: Pixels
August 10th: Nine Lives
August 17th: The Hottie & The Nottie
August 24th: Battlefield Earth
August 31st: Transformers: Age Of Extinction
September 7th: Transformers: The Last Knight
Let’s start with a movie already being declared one of this year’s worst movies, Woody Woodpecker:
Woody Woodpecker is a 2017 American live-action/computer-animated family comedy film produced by Mike Elliott and directed by Alex Zamm, based on the cartoon character of the same name created by Walter Lantz and Ben Hardaway. The film stars the voice of Eric Bauza as Woody Woodpecker, and also stars Timothy Omundson as Lance Walters, a divorced attorney with a son and a new girlfriend who wants to build a dream home in a forest in the mountains of Washington, only to find out he is cutting down a tree in which the eponymous woodpecker lives. The film was first released in theaters in Brazil on October 5, 2017. It was released in the United States on DVD on February 6, 2018. While the movie itself was filmed in the English-language, it was focused on the Brazilian public, since the character is still extremely popular in the country.
I mean, that trailer alone looks pretty weird on its’ own and the word on this movie since its’ release is that it’s bad, really bad. I bought this at a Toys R Us and my original plan was to put out a video for April Fools Day of me watching the film but then I decided to hold off and wait for the summer special to do this.
So, after weeks of waiting to pop this in, I watched it and…it’s bad, it’s not one of the worst things ever bad but it’s still pretty bad all around.
I mean, right from the start, the movie has some of the most cartoonish looking redneck hillbillies you will ever see and guess what, they’re the bad guys of the movie. They are so bad that you really have to pull a double take and wonder, who’s the real cartoons here? The woodpecker or the hillbillies. Okay, they are taxidermist poachers but let’s just be honest, they look like redneck hillbillies.
You also notice that as the movie begins, it’s like Woody’s voice was recorded inside of a box, it just sounds off compared to the regular actors in the film who are outside but whenever Woody talks, it’s like he’s encased in something and that’s the best voiceover work they could get. As far as Woody’s voice goes, Eric Bauza does a good enough job capturing most of Woody’s manic persona but that’s also a bit of a pro and a con as Woody is pretty psychotic in this movie. There are literally scenes where he takes joy in nearly killing everybody on screen.
The human actors are boring and cliché riddled. The main guy, Timothy Omundson, his character is all over the place, he starts the movie as a real estate lawyer who after winning a big case for his firm gets fired after a video of him claiming wildlife conservation is unprofitable goes viral. If that’s really all that it takes to get fired from your high paying job then more people should be fired that way. And then he decides to build a house to flip it out in the middle of the forest…because….reasons. And then, something about his ex-wife’s kid coming along for the ride and I don’t know, I was struggling to find anything of worth in this.
There’s also a park ranger that is suppose to be some kind of a romantic interest but everytime she comes on screen, I couldn’t tell if she was suppose to be a teenager or a grown adult.
Thalia Ayala is the most annoying actor in this entire movie, my god, everytime she is on screen she is trying way too hard to be just like Sofia Vergara and she just doesn’t work, she’s gone halfway through the movie and they have her doing stuff in this movie that doesn’t make any sense. There’s one scene where Woody turns on the gas inside the trailer they are staying in, it blows up and her hair gets all messed up and she screams, supposedly screaming so loud that the glass literally breaks on the screen, which doesn’t make any sense because most TV’s don’t have glass screens anymore and even for the theatrical audiences in Brazil, it wouldn’t make sense.
Much like a lot of the gags in this movie that don’t make a whole lot of sense and a lot of them already datestamp themselves before the movie even comes out, they cram in so many pointless and stupid dated gags like “swipping left” or “hashtag” or “it’s my ringtone” and it’s like, this movie is so lazy to come up with gags that it’s not even funny.
The script is stupid, Yogi Bear has a better script than this movie does and that script was about as generic as you can get. If you can’t come up with a script up to par with fucking Yogi Bear then you really fucked up big time.
And the runtime on this is weird, the DVD says this is a 94 minute movie, it’s not 94 minutes. The DVD runtime is an hour and 31 minutes but the movie ends around the 1 hour 18 minute mark, so why would there be 13 minutes worth of credits to this? Well, guess what, turns out there isn’t, it’s only 6 minutes worth of credits, which even for this is a little much, but the other 7 minutes is a Woody Woodpecker cartoon from the 50s, Niagara Fools. So, this movie is basically ending with this cartoon to just barely get this to feature length, I mean, that’s how lazy this movie is. It throws this much better cartoon on at the tail end to try to make you forget about the stupid mess of a film you just watched.
That’s really the best way to describe Woody Woodpecker, it’s a stupid mess of a movie. It tries to make Woody Woodpecker seem like he’s the most unfunniest and annoying thing on the planet but if you watch the classic cartoons, Woody Woodpecker is funny but by watching this movie, you would think he’s even more annoying than the Minions from Despicable Me, which is probably why Universal even greenlit this, to make the Minions from Despicable Me seem saner and more sensible than Woody Woodpecker is.
The more I think about it, I don’t hate this movie because the actual movie is one of the worst things I’ve ever seen, I think I hate this movie more because it’s an insult to Woody Woodpecker as a character, it takes a character who was legitimately funny and has some great classic cartoons and turns him into something that’s suppose to be more annoying than the Minions. And you know what, that is a damn shame, that’s like if Warner Bros. took Bugs Bunny and the Looney Tunes and turned them into annoying characters to make Teen Titans Go! and the new Powerpuff Girls cartoon better by comparison, you’re insulting beloved cartoon characters by making them seem more unfunny than they actually are.
This is a bad movie, I’ve seen far worse movies, I don’t think this is one of the worst things I have ever seen but this is a bad movie because of the way it insults Woody Woodpecker as a character, this whole movie is just a waste of time period, plain and simple and it’s all gonna get worse from here.
Next up…The Emoji Movie…pray for me people.
By the way, I did do a video on Youtube watching this movie for this review so go ahead and check that out here:
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