We’re officially a quarter of the way through the 2019 NFL season, let’s see how wrong my predictions have been so far:
BUFFALO BILLS (3-1)
Congratulations, Buffalo, you’re 3-1 to start your season…so was the Miami Dolphins last year and look at what happened there. What’s helping the Bills is a cakewalk start to the season going up against the Jets, Giants, and Bengals, yeah, you’re going 3-0 at that point. A chance to prove your worth came with the New England Patriots last week….and New England still decimated you despite a shotty performance by Tom Brady.
Oh, and enjoy not having quarterback Josh Allen who is still in the concussion protocol, good luck Buffalo. But hey, it could be worse…you could be the Dolphins right now.
MIAMI DOLPHINS (0-4)
This is the best week the Miami Dolphins will have this week…it’s their bye week. The Miami Dolphins are the joke of the NFL right now, they’re not trying to compete, they knew their team is in a shitty situation right now, everybody wants to be traded, they’ve given up more points than any other team in the NFL, this team just doesn’t give a fuck, they are trying to do whatever it takes to tank so they can get the #1 pick, which is going to be Tua Tagovailoa. How the hell do you expect Josh Rosen or Ryan Fitzpatrick to help this team when the coaches aren’t even trying to play?
This team is a clusterfuck of the worst kind.
NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (4-0)
Oh, hey, New England is undefeated heading into month 2….welcome to the NEFL, New England is pretty much on the path right now to yet another Super Bowl because life is unfair and anytime the Patriots do something shady, the NFL throws it under the rug and gives them free passes. Life is unfair and the football gods will punish every other football team but not New England because fuck you.
NEW YORK JETS (0-3)
Unlike the Miami Dolphins, the New York Jets are at least trying to turn things around, it’s not their fault though. Sam Darnold has been dealing with mono the last two weeks, they’ve had to go to Luke Falk as their starter, their top defensive players have been injured and the only person on the team who’s actually doing something is, of all people, Le’Veon Bell. Yeah, for a guy that hasn’t been on the field since January 2018, Bell’s the only person who seems to be trying to salvage something out of this team.
The schedule doesn’t get any easier with the Eagles, Cowboys, Patriots, and Jaguars coming up in October but if Sam Darnold comes back this week then maybe they’ve got a shot to surprise people…or they just go back to being mediocre again.
BALTIMORE RAVENS (2-2)
In the first two weeks of the season, the Ravens looked like legitimate contenders in the AFC north…and then they realized that Kansas City and Cleveland actually are much better and completely fell apart. Lamar Jackson is a vast improvement over post Super Bowl Joe Flacco but the defense, something the Ravens has been known for having great ones for so many years, has looked horrendous ranking in the bottom 10 for the last two weeks as they’ve let 73 total points allowed against KC & Cleveland.
Now their schedule in the next month actually looks promising, after Pittsburgh, they’ve got Cincinnati and traveling to Seattle before the bye week and then leading into a matchup with New England in November, so there’s 2 easily winnable games in that stretch so by the end of the next month, this is a team that could back up to 4-3 in no time but they gotta fix that defense to do so.
CINCINNATI BENGALS (0-4)
Thank you Cincinnati for taking the heat off of the Pittsburgh Steelers and continuing to be the NFL’s Jan Brady….this team looks like absolute hot garbage. A terrible offensive line that can’t protect their quarterback at all, their best wide receivers on injured reserve, their running back Joe Mixon looking lackluster, Andy Dalton continues to regress badly, and oh yeah, the new head coach is only here because hey, if you’ve sniffed the fart of Sean McVay in the last five years, that makes you more than qualified to be a head coach.
Zac Taylor has lived up to the expectations as the worst hired head coach of the season, the dude has done nothing different compared to what Marvin Lewis did in his 16 years as the head coach, and somewhere Marvin Lewis is laughing his ass off at how shitty the Bengals have been so far this year and it ain’t getting better anytime soon.
CLEVELAND BROWNS (2-2)
To say that the hype for the Browns was definitely overhype proved my point that this is so far looking more and more like the 2011 Dream Team Philadelphia Eagles as we’ve gone on. Now to be perfectly fair, the Browns haven’t looked horrible but they haven’t looked incredible either. You just can’t a good sense on who these guys are right now, they got the shit smacked out of them by the Titans on opening day, then beat an easy opponent in the Jets, then lost to the Los Angeles Rams on Sunday Night at home, and then only this week did this team actually look like a legitimate threat smacking the Ravens down.
Their schedule doesn’t get any easier for them as they face an undefeated San Francisco 49ers on Monday night and then Seattle comes to town next week, and then after the bye, they go to New England, these are three very good teams and if this team is going to prove the naysayers wrong, these games matter big time. I think by the end of the month, we’ll finally see what the Browns are made of.
PITTSBURGH STEELERS (1-3)
Pittsburgh, what the fuck are you doing? No, really, what the fuck are you guys doing? I can understand losing to New England because let’s be honest, that night was basically let’s-troll-the-Steelers-by-jizz ing-over-the-fact-we-got-Antonio-Brown-from-you (for 10 days) and that just felt like a game the Steelers was never go to win so I’d give you a pass there, the Seattle Seahawks game, you lost Ben Roethlisberger for the season and you brought Mason Rudolph in there and he played well, the defense lost that game because they couldn’t stop Russell Wilson from running and sliding three consecutive times (seriously, can nobody stop this fucker from doing that?), so I’ll let you slide for that one too. But at San Francisco is where I draw the line, you do NOT cause 5 turnovers and still lose the game, that is inexcusable on so many levels.
Yeah, you bet a horrendous Bengals team but don’t think you guys are out of the woods yet, you can not let that win overshadow a tough schedule coming this month, Baltimore comes to town this week and that could be a high scoring affair seeing as how bad the Ravens defense has been, the Chargers in LA, you’ve got to get past that west coast hump if you’re going to have any chance of beating the Chargers, you get the bye, the only game you’re guaranteed to win is against Miami on Monday night.
Plus, they are gambling so much to still be a competitive team, they gave up their first round pick to bring Minkah Fitzpatrick in, they gave up a 5th round pick to bring Nick Vannett in at tight end, they’ll lose out of a third round compensatory pick because the Eagles cut L.J. Fort, and the coaching staff is facing a lot of heavy criticism for the conservative gameplays and rehashing of previous gameplans. A lot is riding on this season, this is a make or break season before the team has to decide to retool everything.
As a Steelers fan, I’m on the edge of my seat right now and very nervous for the future, I don’t know what’s going to happen next but if they can’t turn the season around starting this week, this team is gonna be in a world of trouble come November.
HOUSTON TEXANS (2-2)
Here’s another team I can’t get a grasp on, the Texans has showed flashes of that promise they had in 2018 but then they lose to a backup QB this past week. The Texans are really a mixed bag right now and I honestly don’t know where it’s going from here.
The next four games should be some easy ones, Atlanta this week, Kansas City will be a tough one and they might lose that one, Indianapolis is a mixed bag team right now too and then Oakland at the end of the month, I can see them going 3-1 and going 5-3 by this point but they’ve gotta figure out who they are and fast.
INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (2-2)
I’ll give the Colts this, they are handling not having Andrew Luck after shockingly retire in the preseason pretty well. Jacoby Brissett has come in nicely to be the starting QB and they currently sit at 2-2 right now.
They’re not terrible right now but they’re not great either, they’re kind of in the middle and have a tough schedule coming up, Kansas City this Sunday night, then after the bye Houston comes to town and then Denver comes in, they could be sitting at 3-4 when the month is done and we still might not know how good this team can be.
JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (2-2)
Jacksonville finally gets a quarterback that can win games in Nick Foles….and then he gets injured on the first touchdown he throws for the team. But the good news is that he’s not out for the whole season and could be back as early as the bye week in November.
And surprisingly, Gardner Minshew is actually pretty decent. I can’t help but see comparisons to Tim Tebow with how the team is handling his success but to Minshew’s credit, he seems to at least be in on the joke unlike Tebow so I guess that’s something.
And the Jaguars actually do have a favorable schedule in October, they could pull off the upset in Carolina against Kyle Allen this week, might step back against New Orleans, but then they have the Bengals and the Jets, this is a team that could closing in with the Texans at 5-3 if they play their cards right so we’ll see if the Minshew magic continues.
TENNESSEE TITANS (2-2)
The Tennessee Titans are also another team I can’t get a good grasp on, there are times when they can look incredible but then, there are times when they look mediocre and flat, they’ve already lost two critical divisional matchups in the AFC South and Marcus Mariota is on another mixed bag level right now so his status for the future is questionable right now.
Not to mention October will be rough, Buffalo first (depending on whether or not Josh Allen plays) will be tough, Denver could be an easy win, the Chargers and then the Buccaneers, this is not a favorable schedule for the Titans going forward and it just goes to show that the AFC South is a tough division right now.
DENVER BRONCOS (0-4)
Wow, how the mighty have fallen in four years, the Broncos have proven that they have had no succession plan for when Manning retired and the team has struggled mightily since then. Paxton Lynch bombed as did Trevor Simian, Brock Osweiler came back and failed, you put all your money on Case Keenum and it failed, and now you have a regressed Joe Flacco as your starting QB and the team has fallen apart considerably.
Oh, and Bradley Chubb, one of your few bright spots on the roster, he’s out for the season with a torn ACL too, just to throw more salt into the wound. Emmanuel Sanders is right, the Broncos are indeed in a world of suck right now.
KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (4-0)
Congratualtions, Kansas City, you’re 4-0 for the third consecutive season in a row and you’re on your way to likely winning another AFC West division title….so how long until the collapse comes.
Yeah, Andy Reid is still the head coach, we all know the collapse is coming. Reid is still the biggest problem with the team right now and anybody who has followed his legacy of playoff failure knows that he’s going to collapse. Especially when the Chiefs play New England in both the regular season and likely in the playoffs, watch them score with 2 minutes left again and allow Brady and the Pats to win the game on a last second score, it’s already happened twice, it’s gonna happen again.
Yeah, Pat Mahomes is a beast but as long as Andy Reid is the head coach, this team is never going to make it to the promised land.
LOS ANGELES CHARGERS (2-2)
The Chargers were one of the surprise teams in the AFC last season going 12-4 and only a Kansas City loss away from clinching the #1 seed in the division…and then New England decimated this team once again in the AFC Divisional round.
Now, the team is right back where they were last year at 2-2 but this team just doesn’t quite feel like that same team that surprised everybody and I don’t know if they can have another Cinderella run like they had last year.
OAKLAND RAIDERS (2-2)
Congratulations Oakland, you’re not complete and utter shit this year AND you managed to prove that you don’t really need Antonio Brown after all. The Raiders certainly do look a lot better than they did last year but still, they’re in a very tough position with Chicago this week in London, then go to Lambeau after the bye for a trip with the Packers and then the Houston Texans, those are gonna be tough games to win and I don’t see the Raiders really making any movement there.
That’s the AFC, now let’s look at the NFC:
DALLAS COWBOYS (3-1)
Congratulations, Dallas, you’re 3-1….because of a cakewalk schedule to start the season, it wasn’t until you faced a legitimate team in New Orleans where you completely shat the bed. The schedule looks slightly favorable, face a rough one against Green Bay and then follow that up with easy wins likely over the Jets and Eagles, you guys should be good to go at the end of the month.
NEW YORK GIANTS (2-2)
Well, the end of an era has arrived, Eli Manning has been benched and a new era has begun in the Meadowlands with Daniel Jones at quarterback…and the Giants are surprisingly better off without Eli.
Jones has been impressive in his first two starts giving the Giants lost Saquan Barkley to a high ankle sprain, the Giants may not be perfect but they’re right in the thick of the NFC East race and could be contenders if they keep this up.
PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (2-2)
Well, the Eagles are now Carson Wentz’s team from here on out, no Nick Foles to say your ass this time. The Eagles need to prove that Wentz is worth the money this year to stay relevant in a changing NFC East division. The win over Green Bay keeps their season hopes alive right now but we’ll see where they go from here.
WASHINGTON REDSKINS (0-4)
You are a horrendous football team, you are absolutely terrible in every way shape or form, you have a head coach that could give two fucks, you keep bringing in terrible people in Case Keenum and then you have a quarterback prospect in Dwayne Haskins…that you didn’t even want to draft to begin with. The Dolphins are at least trying to do something, the Redskins know they’re shit and just don’t care. What a shitshow of a team and it don’t get any better from here as long as Jay Gruden and Dan Snyder are still there.
CHICAGO BEARS (3-1)
The Chicago Bears did a good job recouping after that loss to Green Bay on opening night going 3-0 with one of the most potent defenses in the NFL right now, the Bears are likely to challenge with Green Bay for the division title once again and it should make for an exciting division battle.
DETROIT LIONS (2-1-1)
Hey, Matt Patricia actually turned the team around, the Lions are making it a fight in this division, you might have just lost to Kansas City this week but this team looks more promising this year than they did the year before.
GREEN BAY PACKERS (3-1)
The Green Bay Packers are back baby, Matt LaFleur has turned the team around big time, Aaron Rodgers is back in full form, and the new and improved defense is putting together quite a show, this team is looking more and more like the Packers before 2017 with each passing week.
MINNESOTA VIKINGS (2-2)
Can we PLEASE finally admit that the 2017 Vikings was a fluke year? This team has never recouped since then and has gotten even worse, especially on that offensive front, Kirk Cousins has regressed considerably since coming to the Vikings and his teammates aren’t happy right now, when you’re 2-11 against high scoring defenses, there is clearly a big problem here.
ATLANTA FALCONS (1-3)
Speaking of teams that have regressed and fallen apart badly, the Atlanta Falcons. Maybe trying to recapture the glory days by bringing back Dirk Kotter and having Dan Quinn calling the plays isn’t the best option here. This team really has not been the same since the Super Bowl collapse and so far, with another 1-3 start, Quinn isn’t helping his job security right now.
CAROLINA PANTHERS (2-2)
How the fuck are the Panthers still in this? How is Kyle Allen a better quarterback than Cam Newton? How the hell? Yeah, I really don’t know if the Panthers are that good or are they just getting lucky with these wins. A tough October will tell us for sure whether or not the Panthers are actually better off with Kyle Allen.
NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (3-1)
A tough situation for the Saints, Drew Brees is out for a couple of weeks with a thumb injury and Teddy Bridgewater has to fill that void for the Saints until he gets back. So far, they’re doing well going 3-1 in the first four weeks but can they keep this up until Brees comes back? We’ll see.
TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS (2-2)
Well, I said if anybody can save Jameis Winston’s career, it’d be Bruce Arians and so far…yeah, he’s doing just that. Winston has looked a LOT better than he has been in recent years so the Bucs are actually very much in this race for the division title.
ARIZONA CARDINALS (0-3-1)
Well, what do you know? The one team that I thought was going to be shit going into the season is that, complete shit. Kliff Kingsbury has not been a good coach and Kyler Murray has not shown his full potential yet, this just doesn’t look like a good football team.
But there is good news…you get to play an even shittier football team in the Cincinnati Bengals this week so you have a chance to get a win there.
LOS ANGELES RAMS (3-2)
Up until tonight, I thought the Rams were going to be strong contenders in this division once again…but tonight just proved that the Rams just aren’t that same football team they were last year, the defense has better names attached but Jared Goff is regressing badly, losing to Tampa Bay 55-40 in your own stadium is rough and then failing to kick a field goal in a 30-29 bout against Seattle tonight, this team really needs to get back on the winning skid and soon.
SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (3-0)
The 49ers are currently the lone undefeated team in the NFC right now and like I said, if Jimmy Garropolo can stay healthy, the 49ers will be a formidable foe in this division and now with the Rams looking lesser than what they used to, the 49ers are very much well in contention for the division.
SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (4-1)
This is because I said you guys would go 2-14 isn’t it? Seattle once again proves me wrong and goes 4-1, Russell Wilson is having an underrated impressive first four weeks of the season, the defense is coming back to form, and I’ve been continuously eating crow for the past two hours now….yeah, Seattle is somehow still relevant.
Let another month of NFL football commence…
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